Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Lessons I've Learned from the Movies

This is not one of those Movie Physics kind of things, or something that is questioning the logic of actions within the narratives of certain movies, but rather a more generalized list of just stuff that makes sense in real life as presented in the movies(though of course, to a much more pronounced sense in the movies).

In life, someone will betray you and you will not discover this until it is almost too late. In most cases this will not involve someone trying to kill you or destroy the world with a giant space laser, though it may involve your wife or husband and a best friend or boss.

When you are trying to change your life, someone may get you to commit to one last job... though it is probably just settling an account or doing a little design on the side rather than going deep undercover on a Russian nuclear submarine, stealing the world most cursed diamond or taking out the 5 men that will destroy your family if they are not stopped.

Someone will con you, though it will probably be out of a week's salary or a few bucks, and most likely won't be for a keycard that will get someone into the backroom of a casino or the nuclear football.

If you are the underdog, or your team is, they may win.... they probably won't, but it could happen... I mean, it isn't like they win at the end of everything, is it?

You will meet a person of the opposite sex in a amusing or provocative way... but this will usually not result in a long-term relationship or your involvement in an international drug deal in the next 3 hours.

Your plane may become involved in an incident where the pilot and/or copilots are all taken out for some strange reason... but you will likely not be asked to take the controls unless you've had some flight training.

You will get sick... though in all likelihood vomit will not spray out of your mouth like a garden hose full of creamed corn. Unless you mixed drinks and ate some raw meat... because then anything can happen.

You will get into a fight... but it probably won't be a total bar meltdown with people flying everywhere and pool cues getting broken over someone's head.

Most people know more about computers and how to circumnavigate problems than they let on... though most people couldn't hack into a nuclear war simulation or the NSA.

It is easy to fake insanity... or to hide it. It all depends on the circumstances really.

And in life, you too can have theme music... but you have to have a CD player, car stereo or Ipod.


Anomie-Atlanta said...

When I was dating a boy who lived in Philadelphia (approximately 822 miles from Atlanta)we would make each other CDs that were soundtracks of our days, so we could both close our eyes and imagine each others daily existence.

Wendy said...

Very funny! Thanks for the laughs.

Schadenfreude said...

Bahahaha, nice, MC, nice.

MC said...

AA: That is a sweet little anecdote there, and I can see the power it would have, as music is so evocative, and layered with meaning and subtext.

Wendy: Your welcome... I thought you would get a kick out of it.

Schad: Thank you, thank you. And BTW, I still think you smoked Bacon over there in that Prince/Shogun debate... smelled really crispy over there.

Jeremy Barker said...

I don't know about your day, but before I checked out your blog I hacked into the NSA for a group of Russian mobsters who were led by my best friend and were holding my wife and cats hostage. Luckily I managed to reroute the signals, causing a giant space laser to vapourize them, leaving me clear for lunch. Who knows what the afteroon will bring, but I hope things pick up a bit.

Schadenfreude said...

Hehehe, thanks, MC. All in good fun -- and the pork-war rages on even still. :)

MC said...

Jeremy: Well, there is that meeting of foreign dignitaries taking place at Casa Loma, a canister of nerve gas in front of the CBC and oh yeah, a pressing emotional engagement happening a floor above a blast furnace that has been converted to a nuclear weapon. Oh, those big city days.

Schad: Yes, that war continues.

theothermichelle said...

Wait! You forgot some lessons from horror flicks:

1) If you know there's a killer on the loose and you hear a noise in the basement, you should go check it out. You don't need a weapon either, just a candle or flashlight will do.

2) The only time your car won't start will be when a killer is walking toward you with an axe (but it will start right when he smashes the window).

3) If groups of kids got murdered at the same camping spot like 6 different times by a psycho who was never caught, why not get some friends and go there? Hey, what could possibly happen?

jeni said...

In the movies, the hero screws up but gets a second chance. In real life, thank goodness, so do we all.

MC said...

Michelle: Well, yeah, an axe or other metal weapon complete the circuit, thus starting the car.

Jeni: And of course, working on a tough case after you've been removed from it will get you a commendation when you catch the real culprit. ;)