Monday, May 31, 2010

From the Files of TV Tropes #2

I did an entry like this back in November where I basically looked at specific entries from the TV Tropes site that I really enjoyed, and it was a feature that was long overdue for a revisit.

So here are another few entries from that site which appealed to me.

Rated M for Manly: Basically, the simplest short hand for this one is something created for men by men. Pure testosterone. In gaming, almost the entire shooter/beat em up genres are based on this trope (and God Hand is indeed rated M for Manly). Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee are the personification of this rule. To quote a particular movie listing on that page: "Fun Fact: 300 was not filmed or edited at all; instead, 3 hours worth of 35mm film was dipped into a large vat containing a concoction of pure testosterone, shredded footballs, and pureed porn mags & first edition Conan books, left to sit overnight. When the film was pulled out the next morning, they had the master reel for 300, ready for projection." Even the recent Old Spice ads featuring Terry Crews fall under this category. When I think of this trope, I think of Ash/Bruce Campbell and Hobo with a Shotgun/Machete and the epicness of The Venture Brothers' Brock Samson.

Cerebus Syndrome: Basically this means that something that began light and comedically, like the namesake comic or a television show, descends into ever greater drama, and may or may not take the whole thing down with that turn. We've all seen this happen. The entry is missing an essential example under live action tv. I am of course talking about Roseanne. That was a show that started off as a great comedy and then slowly turned into a less than impressive drama. Discworld and Harry Potter moved that way, and I remember Ctrl Alt Del going in that direction too. Sometimes comedy needs to stay comedy. I don't mind drama... I just don't want everything to become it.

And Zoidberg: This is one of those ones I really love, and put in the same category as the word again. Basically it is excluding someone from a group by using the word 'and' then their name. Observe. "Magnolia has a cast of wonderful actors and Tom Cruise". Or "I am trying to save humanity... and Lady Gaga." It doesn't have to be the word and mind you, but it has to be clear in the joke that the speaker is clearly singling someone out. "Friends, colleagues, Dwight" or this gem from The Simpsons: "No Homer, God didn't burn your house down, but he was working in the hearts of your friends be they Christian, Jew, or... miscellaneous." This trope is especially humorous when someone does it to themselves. Let's say someone was to say "Don't forget about me." in response to a "Ladies and Gentlemen," implying they are neither of those two things.

Now, I should cut this short because some of you are hating me for reminding you or telling you about TV Tropes.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Sunday Video: Gay Bar

I celebrated a gloriously stupid game this week, so it makes sense that I am capping the weekend off with a gloriously stupid song too.



If your workplace frowns upon buff, oiled up Abraham Lincolns, this video may not be appropriate for that setting. If they approve of it, well then you are one of the luckiest people in the world.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Week 3: Pageant of the Transmundane

This week, a nun in Pittsburgh stopped a wallet thief in his tracks with just the power of her stern, authoritarian voice. I guess he remembered getting whacked by the ruler as a child.

Anyway, this week's winning entry comes to us from Nostomanic, a site which I will admit I misspelled the first five or so times I tried to return to it a few months ago. But I am glad I came back.

You see, the site's owner, Amber, recreated a unique pop culture moment, and played both parts in it, which is special in and of itself. The fact that the video is attached to an entry that basically tells you how to do the same thing she did just elevates it more.

I think this image will make a little more sense after you read the entry it is celebrating. I have to say this was one of those week's that I wished I could have went with another cartoon's art library because a particular Comedy Central cartoon had an image that was perfect for this. Absolutely perfect. This was really the best I could come up with for this week's entry.



Congratulations Amber. Here is your badge.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogging village to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

This is not a meme. This is an award that I give out, and thus, I am not "tagging" you.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Remembering God Hand

God Hand is the last game made by Clover Studios, the creators of Viewtiful Joe and Okami. It is an action game in the classical sense, a brawler that hearkens back to when you would feed quarters into arcade machines because there was no other way to continue. Its design aesthetic is stuck in the 90s, the environments are very plain, there are less than ten different enemy types during the entire multi-chaptered adventure, the soundtrack is something out of an old side-scrolling brawler, and the game will punish you with its difficulty. If you give it half a chance, it will brutalize you. It is ugly, juvenile, rude, and so hard as to alienate most of the people who would ever think to pick it up. If you do not understand its system, it will not teach you. If you do not learn, you will not progress. If you aren't skilled, you won't have any fun.

If that turns you off, I think it's fair to say that this game is not for you. You don't need to read the rest of this review; God Hand is not the kind of game you will enjoy.

Everyone who's left? Let's talk about why God Hand was made for people like you and me. -Introduction to the God Hand review at VGChartz


I was one of those people who, after reading something like that, was still standing there.

Now, there are a lot of times when I try to find a subtext or some other artistic/narrative element to wax eloquently about, or I attempt to talk about how the thing I am discussing is a wonderful satire or uplifts the human spirit. This is not one of those Remembering posts. This is going to be one of those posts where I am talking about the item in question like I am 13. In fact, I am going to be talking about one of the best beat em ups I've ever played.

Because sometimes, you just have to beat up a lot of people and you don't really need to think about the understated charm of a character's growth through a narrative.... you just have to keep hitting people.

You see, God Hand is a game that is very much a throwback to the classic beat em ups of the 1980s and 1990's. My, those were the days.

Even though the designers have moved the action from 2D to 3D, the game still maintains the same general feeling as its predecessors in the genre, and that is a wonderful thing.

The plot isn't particularly complicated. Gene, the protagonist, is given the arm of a god after having his right arm sliced off by hoodlums/demons while saving a girl named Olivia, who was just about to have her own arm forcibly removed by those same miscreants. With that arm, Gene becomes a superpowered badass who at first reluctantly fights the evil that is around him, but whose sense of justice spurs him towards greater and greater acts of heroism.

But really, what I just said isn't very important. Well, the copious application of foot to ass is, but the story isn't grand or inspiring. It is just the thing that holds all the fighting together. And that's all it needs to be.

I have to admit that I didn't like Gene at first. He was sort of a jerk, but I warmed up to him as the game went on. Sometimes he even says exactly what you are thinking. He isn't the best character, the most well drawn, but he gets the job done.

Of course, as I said, the heart of this game is the fighting, and that is where it truly shines.



I respect a game that tells you it is going to kick your ass in its trailer, and then proceeds to kick your ass. It certainly kicked my ass the first time I played it, and continued to do so across eight multi-stage levels.

But it is also fair as advertised.

I remember that in the classic beat em ups, there always seemed to be cheap hits and generally some very frustrating moves on the part of your enemies that you could never avoid. Naturally this was because most of these games were coin-operated affairs, so it was in the company's best interest that your character to die more often.

But in God Hand, it is entirely possible, though very difficult, to get through the entire game without getting hit once. That's why it is fair. It is a game that you must dodge in if you are going to survive, and it really is a game that is predicated on skill rather than just hitting the buttons until everyone is knocked out. If you are good, if you understand how the game works, you can win, and it is designed in such a way that you are expected to get better at playing it as the stages progress.

Put it this way, I finished it last night, and then started playing the first level again, and I was shocked by how much I had improved over the course of the game. I was using the default moveset, and I managed to defeat every enemy in the first few levels without getting hit. Let me tell you, I felt good.

The game also has this seemingly weird level system where the enemies get better the better you fight. If you beat down a lot of enemies without getting hit, well, then they level up until you start getting pummelled. The higher level enemies net you more money at the end of stages, so there is an incentive to try to keep them at that level (aside from not losing health by getting beaten).

I mentioned another aspect to this game in passing above that is also very important, and that is your moveset. You see, while you start the game with a basic set of moves, as you progress through the game, you can buy or find additional moves to customize Gene's fighting style. And I do mean customize. I don't mean you pick a style and fight within it. I mean, you actually pick the individual moves in your combos. In the end, there are over 100 moves to mix and match, so there is a lot of variety, and it supports a lot of different play styles. This also includes special attacks as well... and they really live up to that moniker. One of my favorites was one where you basically conjure a bat made out of pure energy and basically knock whatever enemies that are within swinging range "out of the park"... literally sending enemies flying so fast and so far away from you they twinkle like a star as they pass out of view, like a home run shot in a baseball game.

That being said, you know those moments when you are watching a movie or playing a game when you know, you are in it until the finish. My moment in this game was starting a level and discovering that I would be fighting a Demon Gorilla in a Luchador Mask. I can't make that up. Even if I didn't love the game by that point, I had to finish it just to see what other strange things might pop up.

What you are probably gathering from my description and the photos/video I posted is that this game is weird and funny. If you didn't know it going into it, the very first image you see when the game is loading sort of indicates it.



I posted one of the Japanese ads for the game on my blog last August which also points to it being a funny experience.

If I was going to compare the game to a few things so you have a frame of reference outside of gaming, I would have to say that it is like the Hot Fuzz of beat em ups. It knows the pedigree, it understands the terrority, and then in parodying the genre, it becomes as good if not better than the source material. And the actual fighting sort of reminds me of the movie Kung Fu Hustle too, because it is just so over the top, but badass at the same time.

In short, God Hand is Awesome.

If you are a certain kind of person, it wins you over. Personally, I don't mind hard games if the difficulty is based on skill rather than cheap tactics. And yes, I have to emphasize that again. It is hard, but in the end, rewarding.

The game even spawned a meme based on how people generally get into it, and that doesn't happen every day.



What I've loved over the past couple of years is reading reviews like this one all over the net for the quality of hyperbole, and my favorite is the review of the game in a Kotaku article about the joys of loving stupid games. And it is a stupid game, one filled with misogyny and sophomoric humor, and it is still great despite/because of that.

And keeping with the grand tradition of having at least one really weird line that become almost quotable in and of itself, I am reminded of joke I knew back when I was 13, and a paraphrased version of it seems appropriate, for it sets the tone for the whole conversation. What does God Hand and a Penis have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get. Bazing!

I even got into the habit while playing it of watching other people playing it too, merely to hear the conversation about it.

But alas it didn't sell well at all, and because of that, designer Shinji Mikami has lamented that he had too much freedom when designing it. It doesn't matter that he really had a blast making it, and that scores of players enjoyed it immensely. That should be enough, but it's not. It just seems like it was released at the wrong time.

In the film industry, having that kind of creative control is usually a good thing. Yes, you occasionally have a flop, but as an artist, you generally have a much more fulfilling experience (and even if it flops, it sometimes becomes a cult hit that makes your name even more prominent). And it is indeed picking up a cult following, which I am happy about.

So God Hand is not a game for everyone, I am willing to admit, but for people who love beat em ups, it is a gem. But it is one of those games that you either end up loving or absolutely hating.

It won't change your world view, it won't fundamentally shift your taste, but if you get what it does and love it because of it, the game will give you a lot of entertainment for the money.

Shia LaBeouf Apologizes

Shia LaBeouf has basically come out and said that Indiana Jones And the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull sucked, and admitted that he was part of the reason, and has apologized for it.

Shia, if you were personally going to apologize from a movie, the one I think you'd want to apologize the most for is Eagle Eye. What the hell was that thing? Billy Bob Thorton admitted he did that movie for the paycheck, and that is an admission I think you would probably be comfortable with too.

But with Indiana Jones, yeah, you were in that, but the whole transdimensional being thing was all Lucas (if you watch this interview Spielberg gave about the movie, you can almost see a point where his spirit was crushed by Lucas).

And it wasn't you in a lead-lined fridge either.

You have to remember when I say that, I don't have the Star Wars prequel based Lucas-hate that a lot of other people have. I am saying that based on the end product which was, to put it diplomatically, disappointing.

And Transformers... I am sure you are getting paid a lot of money for that, so if you want to apologize for that, well, feel free to do so, but on that one, I am not holding any grudges. Mainly because I haven't fetishized the original toy line, so I can appreciate err, abhor those movies merely for their craptacular nature alone.

So while I do appreciate the effort, part of me wonder if it is all a huge PR move and not a legitimate apology.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Crank 3D... Oh Come On!

I just read there is an sequel to Crank in the works.

And it is going to be in 3D.

Now, I really liked the first movie in the series. It was fun, light and fast paced. The second one... not so much. It was like those involved tried to take the things that were fun from the first one and amp it up, but in doing so, it just seemed to come across as crass.

Yes, the first one was admittedly crass too, but it didn't feel that way.

But with a third one on the way (which isn't surprising given the end of the second film), I think I am done.

When you have your hero on fire and literally giving the audience the middle finger, that is where I get off the bus.

The fact that it is going to be in 3D too... that is just an additional reason for me not to want to see the movie.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Saying goodbye to 24

With all the buzz and stories about Lost this past week and probably all today, I thought I would give another series a little more coverage today, the date of its final broadcast.

Of course, I am talking about 24.

When it began, let's be honest with ourselves, as a show based on a gimmick, well, it seemed like a fun ride. It was an intriguing idea, and at the time, it was supposed to be a one season series.

8 seasons later, it seems like the show certainly outlived those modest expectations, and turned Kiefer Sutherland's Jack Bauer into one of the legendary badasses of modern pop culture.



There have been some ups and some downs (I am looking at you Season 6), but overall, it has been a fun ride.

It has been a joy watching the series unfold and it recently occured to me that it almost entirely avoided one of the major cliches of dramatic series: the season ending cliffhanger. On only two occasions out of the past 7 seasons did 24 end on with an event that required later resolution, and I respected that. Sometimes you need a series that doesn't leave you hanging over a summer (or 17 months, give or take a month for the time between the end of the 6th season and the television movie Redemption), and treats each season as a largely self-contained set of incidents.

Now that the series is ending, there are some misconceptions about the series I thought I would note. The first one that people who don't watch the show generally have is it is that all the terrorist on the show are Muslim. That is not the case. In fact, it is shockingly not the case that the people behind the majority of the events on 24, the masterminds of the terror are time and time again middle aged and older white men. For a show about terrorism, that is very progressive, especially for a series that premiered after September 11th.

And the other thing I've heard a lot of people who have never really watched it complain about is that it is a propaganda series for conservative values, when aside from the ubiquity of the torture on the show (which yes, I can't defend), the stories tended to be in many cases, critiques of current events under the Bush Administration. For instance, during the lead up to the War in Iraq, the plot of the series concerned Jack Bauer's efforts trying to prevent a war between the United States and an unnamed Middle Eastern country after a nuclear weapon went off on American soil. The men behind the attack were the executives of an oil company who wanted access to the oil reserves of that country. And the fifth (and arguably best) season became an examination of the uses and abuses of executive power and privilege in the American government.

But aside from the political subtext, 24 was an awesome action series, with one of the highest body counts ever on television. With the terrorist attacks and such, someone estimated that over 13 thousand people have met their end on the series. That is a lot of people, and more than a few were major characters, some killed at surprising times and in unexpected ways, and that was yet another strength of this show. Life could end so suddenly for anyone, so every situation held danger for someone, and aside from one man, everyone was fair game.

As I said in an earlier post, this seems to be the right time for the series to check out, and it looks like tonight's finale is shaping up to be great. I am trying to think of ways they could screw this up, and they are hard to come by.

Just a few more hours of Jack Bauer kick assery left... and I am going to enjoy every second of his violent farewell.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sunday Video: Eddsworld Halloween Special

Well, at least one of my readers will like this. A lot of little pop culture references to



Ah, internet cartoons... how I love thee.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Week 2: Pageant of the Transmundane

A woman near Sunderland, England was fined for picking up the wrong canine feces recently. Her dog dropped some pups off at the park, and a woman picked up another dog's leavings accidentally. After having it pointed out to her by the enforcement officer, she picked up her dog's droppings as well, but she still got fined.

I am wondering how bad someone has to screw up as a cop (or maybe how well they have to do in their job) to get the dog park bylaw enforcement gig.

Anyway, this week's winning entry comes to us from the blog, The Robot's Pajamas.

As recommended by Maven through Stumbleupon, the winning entry critiques (ahem mocks ragther) something very much worth the effort: a Chick pamphlet about Dungeons and Dragons.

And because this week's winning entry has to do with role playing, well, an image from The Simpsons Game parodying MMORPG's, the spiritual descendants of Dungeons and Dragons, seemed to be most in keeping with the theme.



Congrats Vincent and Babette. Here is your badge.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogging village to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

This is not a meme. This is an award that I give out, and thus, I am not "tagging" you.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Friday, May 21, 2010

When Did This Happen?

When did Mischa Barton start turning into Catherine Deneuve?





By the way, I have a message for Mischa Barton's ex-boyfriend, Brandon Davis, who said the following on his Twitter account: "Omg. Just realized my ex turned in to 1 of the fattest people on the planet. I'm gonna start dating plus size models. Not!"

I am not a huge Mischa Barton fan, but dude, seriously, go fuck yourself. If all the douchebags in the world were going to elect themselves a president, you'd come in second place because while you are a major douche, you are also a loser. If you weren't an oil heir, you wouldn't be dating anyone famous, because let's face it, on a personality level, you just don't cut it. Even your so-called friends don't want you at their parties.

You are a greasy piece of shit, and you deserve whatever misfortune befalls you.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Midweek Video: James Bond Vs The Recession

What if MI6 was running on a tight tight budget.

This answers that question.



Well, it does seem they are getting their money's worth.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Review: How I Got Lost

I should preface this review by admitting that I don't generally watch straight up dramatic movies with contemporary settings, so you should bear that in mind, as I am more into genre film. I also gave myself a week to really think about what I had seen so I could put it in proper perspective.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was offered a screener of How I Got Lost from director Joe Leonard, who was seeking reviews to coincide with its recent DVD release.

But before I agreed, I watched the trailer and looked through some other materials about it, and discovered that it had made the cut for a number of film festivals, so I was intrigued. It isn't every day that I am offered the chance to screen a film with that pedigree, so I went into this experience with a lot of enthusiasm. I also discovered that Leonard was remaking an earlier short film he had made by the same name, so I had high expectations.

The most succinct way I can summarize this movie is as follows: two 20-something men, Jake and Andrew, in post-9/11 New York undertake a journey to Ohio for the funeral of Jake's estranged father. There are a few twists and a couple of interludes that I am not discussing mind you, but I think that is as close to a synopsis as I can give the film without giving to much away.

For the most part, I don't have any real complaints about the movie. The casting was good, featuring people who while I may not have been able to put a name to them before this film, were nonetheless recognizable (particularly Aaron Stanford and the lovely Rosemarie DeWitt), and the dialogue was believable, as was its delivery.

One particular sequence stayed with me from my viewing however. The main characters run out of gas during their road trip, in Pennsylvania and they meet a woman working at a gas station who, to me at least, is utterly fascinating, despite the fact that she is on screen for 3 or 4 minutes at most. I would be interested in watching a movie about her, as even in from that brief encounter.

It is also worth mentioning the excellent score work of Kaki King, which at times provided the perfect accent to scenes without being too heavy.

The plot unfolded in ways which were surprising given some of the tropes it seemingly explored. It is a road movie, a rite of passage and a few other things thrown into one package, and that is definitely a strength for the film.

But for all those pluses, I do have a minor quibble however. At times the pacing felt a little too slow for my tastes, and given the fact that it is a relatively short movie at 87 minutes, that could be a problem. There were a few points where I was starting to lose interest, and I think in the end, I just wanted a few more narrative elements thrown into the mix towards the end to keep me invested in the whole film.

Now, Joe Leonard has done quite a few different things in the industry, so he has a variety of experiences. I think his current gig as an editor for the show Glee is likely the one that would be of most interest for you my readers, but looking over his imdb profile, he has really gotten his feet wet in a lot of different areas on the production side of things, so clearly he is qualified to write and direct a feature length film, and for a first effort at a longer length feature, it is pretty good, and I do look forward to seeing his next full length film.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My Enemies List: Addendum #5

I've been writing this installment of My Enemies List for literally weeks. Why has this taken so long? Well, every time I thought I had enough things to be angry about regarding these particular groups, I would find out something new and it would totally up the ante. And I had so much anger that I had to remove an entry from this particular entry because it would have been entirely too long if I hadn't. It will appear at a later time.

The Texas State Board of Education: Yes, everyone has already discussed this one. I know. But it doesn't make this any less valid. In the simplest terms, the TSBE wants to conservatize the teaching of the social sciences to present what they believe is a more balanced version of history. And from that simple version, that if the board wanted a little more attention paid to conservatism and such, I don't have a problem with that, if what is being taught is intellectually honest and backed up by the facts. But that is not what happened by a long shot. What happened was a small group of people has done everything in their power to turn their particular political position into a version of history that is not just a series of lies, but big fucking lies to support that vision. They gamed the system to do so, and did so in massively unethical ways so that the whole system is now fundamentally flawed. Conservative groups threw a lot of money into the races for school board seats and elected ultra-conservative members who then were able to pick "experts" by having two or more board members agree on them, despite their qualifications or background, so people who have no background in the study of history, including a former vice-chairman of the Texas Republican Party who wrote a book which is filled with quotes from the Founding Fathers that he can't verify to support his arguments and a Massachusetts preacher who thinks that disasters were punishments from God for America tolerating homosexuality. Yes, these were the people who were sifting through the social sciences to try to come up with a curriculum for Texas school children, and by extension, a lot of other states. The most damning quote for this process comes from then chairman of that board who proudly exclaimed "There were no historians, sociologists or economists consulted at the meetings." I mean, I can't believe he is pleased that the students of his state, and a lot of other states are going to be willfully ignorant because he didn't want professionals to do the job. I mean, it would be as silly as someone who didn't go to dental school performing procedures on people or making recommendations like every child should brush their teeth with maple syrup 3 times a day (because let's face it, that is about the same amount of wrong as some of the changes that the Chairman of that board, a dentist, wants to bring to the curriculum). And some of the things that they want to de-emphasize are some pretty massive issues... like slavery. They want to make it appear that it was just some leftover thing from British colonialism and that is isn't that big of a deal. Or that McCarthyism was justified. And that Roe Vs. Wade was the most important Supreme Court decision of the 20th century. Of course, there is also the board's position on the teaching of evolution, but if you've read the compiled Enemies List, you know that also makes this an easy choice for the list.

Anti-Vaccine people: I wanted to throatpunch some people a few weeks back, I really did. I've had strong opinions about this matter for some time, but after watching a recent episode of Frontline about the increasing numbers of parents who are choosing not to get their children vaccinated. To put it mildly, I was very angry. I mean, Polio and Diphtheria could be completely and totally eradicated, much like smallpox was in the late 1970's, through aggressive vaccination and then no one would ever need those vaccinations ever again. The fact that American soldiers are fighting in a region where polio is endemic should have some of these people freaking out. Later studies determined that there was no causal link between vaccination and autism. The Lancet even withdrew the paper that forwarded that claim back in 1998. So basically we have a bunch of people not getting their kids vaccinations against preventable, but hard to treat diseases that historically have killed, weakened and maimed generation upon generation of children and adults because of a myth and their shortsightedness. Because the thing that makes me very angry is the fact that their choices have unintended but very real consequences for the community as a whole, because those that choose not to get shots spread diseases not only to other people who have chosen not to get immunized, but to those who are too young, immuno-compromised or poor to do so. And they may tell themselves that if their child gets sick, they will quarantine them away from the community, but with the incubation/identification periods of some of these maladies being so long, like whooping cough's 21 days of infectious fun before it starts actually sounding like its name, that doesn't seem like that good of an option. I am sure there is going to be a murder one of these days after the baby/child of one parent dies because they were too young to get vaccinated, and their neighbor with older children decided that they didn't need to be inoculated and they got sick. Now, I am not saying that vaccines are harmless, or that there haven't been problems in the past with them (the whole cell whooping cough vaccine in particular), but in general, the diseases that immunizations protect your children from are far worse than nearly every side effect, even the rare ones, you may encounter from them. I also have in mind the vaccine for the Human Papillomavirus, given to young teenage girls so that they have later protection from one of the causes of Cervical cancer, which some parents believe is going to encourage their children to have sex. Granted, these bother me far less than the wholesale non-vaccination people by many orders, but still, I think it is a foolish to help your child later in life because you are afraid of them becoming sexually active after getting injected with something.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Leno Story that isn't getting a lot of Press

It has been quite a while since I wrote about the Conan O'Brien/Leno situation, so I think it is relatively safe to go back to that topic.

Now, if you've been reading headlines about Jay Leno's ratings since he returned, there is one message that everyone wants to make clear: The Tonight Show is beating Letterman consistently.

But sometimes there is interesting information that isn't being reported. Case in point, the website TV by The Numbers has been tracking the trends for Jay Leno's ratings, and something surprising has happened. (or not, given your point of view)



That's right. Apparently Jay Leno is getting Conan O'Brien's numbers, with a better lead in (it is sweeps right now).

The above data also shows that David Letterman is getting generally stronger ratings against Jay Leno than against Conan for the same period in each of their most recent respective runs as host of The Tonight Show.

Now, in the coming weeks, I am going to be following this to see how these trends bear out, but I have to say, it isn't looking good for Leno.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sunday Video: Monkey

This is six seconds long and SFW. Just watch it.



Worth 6 seconds of your life?

Tags:

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Year 5, Week 1: Pageant of the Transmundane

Welcome to another wonderful year of oddity, another year of the bizarre, another year of the Transmundane.

I could gild the lily, and bore you all to tears with my own self-awareness about this matter, or I could just cut to the chase.

Hmmm, I think I will do the latter.

This week's winning entry comes to us from the fertile soil of Back of the Cereal Box, a blog that has won this race more than once before.

For this particular outing, Drew made some rather humorous observations about a particular work of art he had seen during a recent visit to a local gallery. The piece in question, Guido Reni’s Bacchus and Ariadne, totally reads the way Drew has presented it.

And because this week's winning entry has to do with Italian art, well, this old gem seemed to be the most fitting image for the whole thing.



Congratulations Drew, and thank you for providing this year with another auspicious start. Here is your badge. Huzzah!



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogging village to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

This is not a meme. This is an award that I give out, and thus, I am not "tagging" you.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Daria out on DVD

A few days ago, I was ecstatic when I found out that the complete run of the MTV series Daria was released on DVD. It ended its five year run back in 2002.



For those of you who didn't watch the show, it was the animated adventures of Daria Morgendorffer, a cynical sarcastic high school student, as she dealt with the idiocy that surrounded her with deadpan dry wit.

I mean, I thought that Daria was going to be gone forever after it ended it run and the various networks who were showing the reruns moved on to other programming, so this news really lifted my spirits this week.

Much like WKRP in Cincinnati, Daria had a lot of music as part of its episodic soundtrack (which makes sense since it was a series on MTV), so it seemed like that would be the major stumbling block.

Of course, after this announcement, I decided to take a look back at the series to see if it still held the same appeal for me, and I am sad to report that somewhere along the line I guess I moved beyond it.

I can still see the entertainment value in it, but I don't think I would have been as rabid a fan of it if I was seeing it for the first time.

Yes, I think I will still enjoy it, when I get it, but I think it will be more as an exercise in nostalgia than anything else.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Why Someone Should Take My Microphone Away

Sometimes I really need boundaries.

I get strange ideas in my head, and given the fact that I have a microphone and software to edit audio, well, other people have to suffer because of it.

Case in point. Lee Sargent and Dan Hughes are going to be doing a podcast about Starship Troopers for the Midnight Movie Club with Arjan Beens, and I thought it would be funny to do a promo for it.

Yeah, I probably shouldn't have.



Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me! I mean, at the end of it (if it plays the full thing the first time out), I sound like I am on steroids or something.

But I do laugh when I hear it, and that is why I am sharing it with y'all.

Yes, I just used the contraction y'all. I'm as surprised as you are.

Oh, if you want the audio file (I don't see why), it is available at the Internet Archive

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Midweek Video: Chick Habit vs Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Quentin Tarantino has ripped a lot of songs out of my pop culture memories and took ownership of them by attaching them to scenes in his movies.

He took Nobody But Me by the Human Beinz from me... granted it was an awesome scene, and it was worth it.

And then in the credits of Death Proof, he nabbed Chick Habit by April March, and he locked up that connection in my brain now.

So when I saw this new video from the song featuring footage from Russ Meyer's Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, it seemed strangely appropriate, and it liberated Tarantino's grip on the song.



I'm free!

The Zeray Gazette now on Neatorama

Friend of the blog John Farrier has picked up stakes and moved the geekiness from his blog The Zeray Gazette into the warm embrace of Neatorama as Neatogeek.

Let's congratulate John on his increased role at one of the most influential blogs out there. Huzzah!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

So now there is a V-word?

Anyone think it is strange that we can have a bunch of commercials touting remedies for erectile dysfunction, but somehow when a tampon company wants to talk to women like they are adults and refer to the vagina by name or by the compromise "down there", that is somehow not appropriate for 3 of the broadcast networks. Never mind that the line of ads these new ads are following are basically ripping on other euphemistic advertising about these kinds of products anyway.

Interesting how that double Standards and Practices works.

Helen Mirren and Double

One of these two figures is Helen Mirren, and one is wax. Can you spot the real one.



Top class work Madame Tussauds.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Moving Away From Science Fiction and Fantasy

I loved fantasy and science fiction, and I thought I still did. But sometimes when one looks back, you start seeing a pattern emerging, and well, you notice how all the little things have come together to tell you something huge.

I am no longer a fantasy/sci-fi fan like I used to be.

I mean, I used to be such a huge science fiction and fantasy guy. I still have boxes full of science fiction and fantasy novels, short story collections and the like, and a lot of movies on VHS. I started my journey into fantasy with Terry Pratchett back when I was eleven, and I read everything I could get my hands on by him. I then moved into a wider world of genre fiction as I grew older, hitting many of the classic authors before I headed to university... Douglas Adams, H.G. Wells, Ellison, Bradbury etc. And I enjoyed programs and movies in those genres as well. For instance, I can't tell you how many times I watched Willow as a child, but it was quite a bit.

There is that dark period I will refer to as the Piers Anthony year, which I will not speak of except to note that in retrospect, being upset at 16 that I felt I would never be as great a writer as he who shall no longer be named after reading Refugee. Then I read Stand on Zanzibar and a lot of the New Wave of science fiction, and those notions of idolizing that man were quickly dissolved.

Then I entered university, and I think that is the point when things started to slowly change for me. I was exposed to a wider variety of literary traditions and critical styles, and while I still read a lot of sf and fantasy, this was clearly where myself and this kind of genre fiction began to part company, and not in a condescending way. I just think that I moved away from science fiction and fantasy proper. At no point did I think that I deserved better or that it lacked merit. I just found myself drawn to other kinds of literature and narratives.

Aside from science fiction in parodying animation, like Futurama and The Venture Brothers, I haven't really been watching science fiction/fantasy based television. When I think about it, there are only two science fiction themes that still keep my interest, time travel and robots/mechs. Other than those two, I am almost indifferent to science fiction these days, and it happened so gradually that it was only when thinking about where I am now that I could finally admit it to myself.

Let's look at a quick checklist of recent series I've never watched:

Firefly (the Whedonverse in general), Doctor Who, Heroes, Battlestar Galactica, Stargate, Farscape, V (the new one... I saw the original back when syndicated stations used to pick up old minis and recycle them)

I was even looking back at my top 25 list for the PS2, and aside from Ratchet and Clank, Disgaea, and TimeSplitters, which are all also funny, the entire list pretty much leans towards more contemporary, real world settings or tie-ins to existing media.

It was a shift rather than a break, because in the broadest terms, I still love genre narratives.... I just moved on to a different set of them (action/spy/mystery/crime). In retrospect, the fact that the Night Watch novels of Pratchett quickly became my favorites because they were police procedurals rather than straight up fantasy novels should have been a huge clue to me.

I hope that you, my geek brethren, can still accept me for who I am.

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Sunday Video: Mother Mother

I was going to go in an entirely different direction, but then I remembered it was Mother's Day today too, so I thought I would go with something that was a little more fitting.

Strangely enough, this Tracey Bonham song from back in mid-1996, is the first one that came to mind. Well, it did top the Billboard chart.



I still have this CD floating around somewhere in my collection. Good times, good times.

Saturday, May 08, 2010

Week 52: Pageant of the Transmundane

So once again, we've come to the end of another year of awarding the Pageant of the Transmundane, and I am almost out of badges to hand out. Just this week's award remains to be decided, and then I will have to go back to the drawing board and design a new version for the upcoming year.

Now, I could have went with my traditional weird news story to start, but this time out, I thought that the end of this cycle was enough oddity for everyone.

This final winning entry for the 4th Transmundane year comes to us from an old favorite and multiple award winning blog Popped Culture.

This time out, it was an interesting T-shirt that Lee Sargent would likely be upset about.

When there's something strange, in your neighborhood... err, cocoa; who you gonna call?

Ghostbuster Homer! (found on the Nohomers site in the fan art section).



Congrats Jeremy. I am sure this is old hat for you now.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogging village to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

This is not a meme. This is an award that I give out, and thus, I am not "tagging" you.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Charlie Sheen Quitting: a contract negotiation ploy?

Is anyone surprised that all this talk about Charlie Sheen quitting Two and a Half Men may have just been a negotiating tactic?

There are claims that he may be asking for up to 2 million dollars an episode.

From what I've been hearing from a couple people I know who watch the show (because it is on against 24, so I haven't watched episodes during the first run in years), it seems like it should be wrapping up this season anyway based on what is going on with the characters/actors involved. They lost quite a few semi-interesting characters along the way, and the fact that Jake is increasingly irrelevant to the whole series as he grows older means that it should be put out of its misery sooner rather than later.

(And yes, I know there are a lot of you out there who think it should have ended a long time ago. That sentiment is noted.)

But I am just hoping that, like a lot of other people have written since this whole Sheen-is-a-quittin' thing started, I think now is the time for CBS to start really advertising and positioning another series to take the place of Two and a Half Men when it is gone. Some have argued for How I Met Your Mother, while others have suggested what seems to be a better alternative: The Big Bang Theory, a show which is getting great ratings, even in reruns.

If ever there was a time to make this move, now is that time. Even switching the order would likely make the difference for such a transition.

Thursday, May 06, 2010

Christ, What An Asshole Redux: Verse Edition

I've been infatuated with this whole "Christ, What an Asshole" phenomenon ever since I heard about it, and after writing about it myself last week, well, I started thinking what else could you apply it to.

It had to be something relatively short that the addition of that phrase or variation there of would have a good impact on the final meaning.

Then it hit me. Of course, it could be done with poetry. So, I thought of a few poems off the top of my head to try it on, and here are the results.

The first poem that immediately sprang to mind when this little experiment popped into my head was "Footprints" by 1 of 70 different people. We've all heard it before in one form or another, and I think the addition of that phrase brings something new to the experience.

One night I had a dream--
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
"I don't understand why in times when I needed you most,
you should leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
"When you saw only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
And I replied "Christ, What an Asshole."


Now wasn't that lovely.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention William Carlos Williams, who had a brilliant career as a free verse poet. Let's go with "This Is Just To Say".

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

you are likely
thinking
Christ
what an asshole


My, that was educational, and so minimalist. But I think I can go even more minimal.

How about, "In a Station of the Metro" by Ezra Pound

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.
Christ, What an Asshole.


Yeah. Now, what about something longer. Let's go with "Chicago" by Carl Sandburg


Hog Butcher for the World,
Tool maker, Stacker of Wheat,
Player with Railroads and the Nation's Freight Handler;
Stormy, husky, brawling,
City of the Big Shoulders:

They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, for I have seen your
painted women under the gas lamps luring the farm boys.
And they tell me you are crooked and I answer: yes, it is true I have seen
the gunman kill and go free to kill again.
And they tell me you are brutal and my reply is: On the faces of women
and children I have seen the marks of wanton hunger.
And having answered so I turn once more to those who sneer at this my
city, and I give them back the sneer and say to them:
Come and show me another city with lifted head singing so proud to be
alive and coarse and strong and cunning.
Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling job on job, here is a tall
bold slugger set vivid against the little soft cities;
Fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning as a savage pitted
against the wilderness,
Bareheaded,
Shoveling,
Wrecking,
Planning,
Building, breaking, rebuilding,
Under the smoke, dust all over his mouth, laughing with white teeth,
Under the terrible burden of destiny laughing as a young man laughs,
Laughing even as an ignorant fighter laughs who has never lost a battle,
Bragging and laughing that under his wrist is the pulse, and under his
ribs the heart of the people,
Laughing!
Laughing the stormy, husky, brawling laughter of Youth, half-naked,
sweating, proud to be Hog Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat,
Player with Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.
And Christ, What an Asshole!


Now, let's shoot some fish in a barrel: "The Suicide Kid" by Charles Bukowski

I went to the worst of bars
hoping to get
killed.
but all I could do was to
get drunk
again.
worse, the bar patrons even
ended up
liking me.
there I was trying to get
pushed over the dark
edge
and I ended up with
free drinks
while somewhere else
some poor
son-of-a-bitch was in a hospital
bed,
tubes sticking out all over
him
as he fought like hell
to live.
nobody would help me
die as
the drinks kept
coming,
as the next day
waited for me
with its steel clamps,
its stinking
anonymity,
its incogitant
attitude.
death doesn't always
come running
when you call
it,
not even if you
call it
from a shining
castle
or from an ocean liner
or from the best bar
on earth (or the
worst).
such impertinence
only makes the gods
hesitate and
delay.
ask me: I'm
72.
And Christ,
what an Asshole.


And let's end this with some rhyme and form. Rudyard Kipling's "If-"

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master;
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run--
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--Christ, what an asshole you'll be, my son!


So are you can see, this thing can go a lot wider and a lot deeper than merely a funny little alteration to a comic strips everywhere. I may be back with a further use of this little trick sometime in the future.