Fun With Twitter: Machete Facts

Sometimes you have a bit of a boring afternoon, so you just start riffing. I had such an afternoon today.

In my case, I just decided it would be fun to start spouting Machete facts on Twitter, and since I know that some of my readers don't follow me on that site, so I thought I would share them here, along with a few that wouldn't fit in 140 characters.



The reason Machete wasn't in The Expendables is he would have killed the bad guys in the first 5 minutes, and then there'd be no movie. #machetefacts

Machete performed his own caesarean, and then sewed up his own mother before allowing himself to cry #machetefacts

Machete don't Twitter. If he wants you to know something real quick, he'll carve it into a bad guy and send it your way #machetefacts

Machete has a wrinkle for every man he's killed. #machetefacts

Machete doesn't have tattoos. His skin is filled with grains of awesomeness which have identifiable shapes. #machetefacts

Machete plays Danny Trejo, much like Superman plays the role of Clark Kent. #machetefacts

Machete Beat Battletoads. Not the game. The actual Battletoads. #machetefacts

Machete has Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer buried in his basement. #machetefacts

And my favorite one:

Machete once drank a mixture of gasoline and kerosene just so he could use his stream of urine as a flamethrower. #machetefacts

So, can you come up with any Machete Facts?

Tags: machete, danny trejo, battletoads, clark kent, superman, gasoline, chuck norris, jack bauer, caesarean, expendables