Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Reasons Why I am Not An Actor

1. While I am a decent looking guy, and I do clean up nicely, I would never be the leading man, and my fragile ego occasionally needs to be the center of attention. I would be the quirky sidekick or roommate in those scenarios. And even though the occasional more average looking schlub makes it, they are usually bringing a lot of other skills to the table which I also don't have.

2. I have a drifting accent... so if I was in a scene with someone with an accent, within two minutes, I would be talking with that accent, which would be ok if everyone was talking with that accent, but that's generally not how it works. I mean, I've had phone conversations where the other party thought I was mocking them by doing their accent. And without an external influence, I can't maintain any accent, even my own, consistently.

3. I can't remember lines word for word. If I was on a project where you could improvise a little, I'd be great. But anything that requires a verbatim recitation of lines... that would be a little problematic. So that means no stage work, no Shakespeare and the like, which would really limit my versatility.

4. As I indicated in my first point, I am a little bit of a primadonna sometimes. I admit that. But I would likely be the guy that calls other people out for being the same way... and that isn't popular behavior.

5. If I got famous enough, I'd likely belt some people.

6. Scientologists (see 5)


John said...

5. If I got famous enough, I'd likely belt some people.

Do this when your career is starting its initial wane. Then go to rehab and emerge into a major film role next to Sean Penn.

Really, losing control at the right moment can only help your reputation.

MC said...

Let's just say, some of the people I would pop would end up getting me more fans.

Kal said...

Wandering accent? I totally do that. I used to teach a group of French students english and everytime I was around them I would forget my language and take to them in the same broken english they used. At first they thought I was making fun of them but soon they realized that it was my one Zelig like mimic power.

Oh and if I was a star on the way down I would totally go to awards and premiere shows just to smack someone like Mel Gibson or Justin Bieber (who I would slap, then choke and maybe use a heavy lead pipe on - or just go freestyle on him)

MC said...

So it isn't just me. Good to know that it happens to other people too.