Wednesday, November 12, 2008

An Open Letter to Stephen Baldwin

Mr. Baldwin, I know you've had quite a life, full of ups and downs... we all get that. But that being said, do you find it necessary to continue bringing the crazy... you were a well-known party boy, with a few scrapes with the law.

And when you became a born-again Christian after 9/11 (though I had always thought it was because you went to rehab) and brought your same level of Baldwin-based arrogance to that, I sighed and shook my head, but soon realized that you were and will always be the second banana in that acting family, so I wouldn't encounter you or your work as much as your more famous, though equally as outspoken for better or worse, brother Alec.

Then you said you wanted to box Barack Obama and called him a cultural terrorist, and you made not so subtle insinuations that you believed that he may in fact be the Anti-Christ on the radio... you know, the kind of thing that makes most sane people smell batshit.

Now there is a story about you getting a tattoo of the Hannah Montana initials on your back as part of a deal with Miley Cyrus, but seriously dude, I know you are desperate for quality acting work these days, but getting a tattoo so you can guest star on a Disney show is really desperate.

And the less we say about your claim that you would move to Canada if Barack Obama was elected the better (because we all know that Canada just so conservative and anti-Obama).

Of course, your brother said the same thing about his plans if Bush was re-elected, and all that ended up happening with him was an embarrassing phone call to his daughter and a costarring role on an NBC sitcom with the best Sarah Palin impersonator out there... so maybe your life in Nyack, New York will continue, and unfortunately, that likely means I am going to have to see you far more often. So can I ask you to do just one thing for me?

Can you dial back the crazy a bit? I want to enjoy your earlier work, and well, if you keep having these public outbursts, well, I am not going to be able to continue doing so. You'll be consigned to the same dumpster in my mind as Tom Cruise after his Oprah/Today Show escapades. I am sure a lot of other people would likely follow suit.

7 comments:

Brandon said...

I'm so sick of all the Baldwins, born again or not, even Alec.

Hilly said...

Remember when "he's such a Baldwin" was a GOOD thing? Yeah, not so much now!

MC said...

Brandon: I never said Alec was still a prize anymore.

Hilly: Well, I think Daniel's appearance on Celebrity Rehab was the final rough sandpaper across the veneer of respectability on that entire family.


Additionally, I learned today that SNL alum Victoria Jackson believes that Obama is the anti-Christ as well.

Micgar said...

I actually like Alec-he's a pretty good actor and a good funny man. Yes he made a bad mistake with his message to his daughter, but Steven is a real piece of work. Really nutty!

MC said...

But he has made a public spectacle of himself on numerous other occasions as well.

patrick said...

i would assume the tattoo is temporary...

MC said...

That's not what I've read Patrick.