Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Kevin Costner Wants a Music Career

Not content to merely tank in blockbuster movies, Kevin Costner has his sights set for failure as a musical artist as well.

Yes, after a gig in front of group of NASCAR fans in July, Costner and his band Modern West felt the need to record an album. I guess seeing some massive ugly crashes that left the participants reasonably unscathed made him once again long for failure, and Swing Vote just didn't give him that same satisfaction.

Also I think this quip from comedian Alonzo Bodden says everything about that particular audience: "I didn't understand NASCAR until I met some NASCAR fans. Because you talk to a couple of NASCAR fans, and you see where a shiny car driving in a circle would fascinate them all day."*

Let's face it, Kevin Costner's best work is behind him. There isn't going to be another Bull Durham or Field of Dreams in his future. And yes, he is talking about working on a sequel to The Bodyguard, but really, does anyone really want to see that? I certainly don't. I mean, how good of a bodyguard could he be if he couldn't keep the crack and/or Bobby Brown away from Whitney Houston, I ask you.

Some of you may remember a post I made at the beginning of the month about actors becoming trying to become singers, and how sometimes people have to know their limitations. Well, this is another one of those times.

Granted, looking at some of the movies Kevin Costner has directed, we know that at times, he does not know his limitations at all... and I think perhaps an intervention may be in order... especially if at any time he tries approaching apocalyptic science fiction or an English accent, because the world can't take either of those things happening again. I mean, seriously, never again, those were all crimes against cinema and pop culture.

So, for the sake of my audience, I am just giving you ample warning that a silly, celebrity-backed vanity project is on the horizon so you can get a stockpile of earplugs and apathy to greet it.

* I'm playing NASCAR 07, so I can make that joke.


Megan said...

No. No. No. NO. NO!

c said...

Duuuuude. If there weren't other reasons to move to Canada/England/Sweden, I think this one, at least, is compelling.

RC said...

you've got to be kidding...how can one man have such a limited grasp of his lack of skill.

any success he had in the 80s was simply becasue the 80s were tasteless. yikes!

Micgar said...

I hate when actors try to become singers! They usually suck! I bet KC sucks!

GatheringDust said...

I've never liked any of his work. He strikes me as largely forgotten nowadays.

Actors wanting to become singers is an international problem. Some popular actors around my side of the world try to start a singing side career and often give up after one album. At least they are actually popular when they try to do it...


MC said...

Megan: Unfortunately, it is yes... as much as I wish it was no too...

C: Argument against Canada... we unleashed Bryan Adams, Celine Dion and Shania Twain on the world.

RC: That is a good argument (as I do remember Miami Vice wear and leg warmers).

Micgar: He sucks (in every possible way), therefore he still has a career.

RB: In some ways North America has been fortunate, as some of our celebrities foist their singing talents mostly on Japan (like Jennifer Love Hewitt).