Where were you when you found out Drew Barrymore and Justin Long broke up? Trust me, it will be a story you will bore your kids with for decades.
Me, I was sitting behind a desk reading a biography on Walter Cronkite and after reading the news, I felt compelled to take my glasses off in a dramatic fashion as I contemplated the seriousness of this news. It had to be serious news... they announced it in the most heartbreaking way of all: through mutual press releases through their publicists.
I'm utterly devastated that they broke up. I mean, who would have ever predicted that a celebrity, especially Drew Barrymore, would ever break up with another celebrity... err, quasi-celebrity... no that's not right either. Um, person who is marginally more famous than I am. That's the ticket!
I mean, if those two couldn't make a go of it, than what hope is there for Paris Hilton and whoever she is sleeping with on tape this week? And how many eligible men are left in Hollywood for Drew to date since she has gone through so many already?
Oh, I see that the former has Justin Long and a Valtrex cocktail scheduled for next week.
I guess the last time we'll see the two of them together is in the prophetically titled film they fell in love on, He's Just Not That Into You. So sad, so sad.
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9 comments:
I don't know if I can go on...
Great post man!!! I laughed so hard I cried...seriously.
Hilarious.
True fact: I get stronger as Justin Long gets weaker.
I know you're funny and I laughed, but i've got a soft spot for My girl Drew.
I hope she does find a long lasting love one day. Celebrities usually dont but I like seeing her all cute with a good guy.
I knew nothing about these two dating. But, this post is funny, loved the scene from JFK you describe at the beginning.
Megan: Be strong... be strong.
Becca: I still think the little snippets that SF share of your acerbic wit are funnier... I mean, because of you, I can't look at Fergie the same way again.
SF: Soon you shall beat him to a bloody pulp in a hardcore street match on pay per view and save the world. Someday...
Mayren: I don't hate Drew Barrymore, but the coverage of the breakup was just so ridiculous because it wasn't even like they were some long-lasting super couple. When Brad and Angelina break up, maybe... but Drew and Justin, come on.
Semaj: See, this is why I need more trolls around here... I'm an asshole, and I just don't have enough people to tee off on... so the poor celebrities get it.
Oh the humanity.
what a world, what a world, etc....
And the Hollywood mags just eat it up!
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