Thursday, March 06, 2008

Indiana Jones WILL fight Nazis on May 23

By now, it is likely that everyone has seen the preview for the upcoming Indiana Jones picture, which is coming out on May 23. Some of you have likely committed it to memory, while others have condemned it and the vagaries of casting, aging and even pacing, and that's OK, because it isn't really germane to what I am about to announce. The important thing is, I think it is safe to say that nearly everyone who has heard about the movie thinks that it will at least do respectable business.

Most studios and directors when they see a movie that big is coming out during a particular weekend usually shift things around so their own productions don't get thrown asunder in such a blockbuster's wake.

But one man, one crazy Teutonic dude is steering his rickety little ship made out of dried cow pats, celluloid and crack pipes straight into that supertanker.

Uwe Boll.

Yes, he plans on taking out a raging behemoth with his little spit gun, Postal... and apparently he believes his film, which he also appears in as a Nazi, will prevail that particular weekend.

Yeah... that is really going to happen.

You and I know that Postal is going to be a bomb, but I don't think it is going to be so big that it sucks the entire industry down with it that May weekend. Then again, I've seen Alone in the Dark, so it is entirely possible that every screen showing his little over-the-top opus will spontaneously become a black hole and suck so much that the very fabric of pop culture is destroyed one thread at a time.

I mean, let's forget for a moment that tooth plaque makes a better film than Uwe Boll, and think about the counterprogramming argument here. Well, it just doesn't work... because the people who might consider going to the theater to see this particular action/comedy extravaganza are the same people who would be the core audience for Indiana Jones.

My guess, and it is really only a guess, is that they are pushing this movie in front of a bus to fulfill a contractual obligation. And what better time to do that than a weekend when it will get flattened.

And to me, that would please me more than anything... even if his failures are a sophisticated tax scam for German investors.


Semaj said...

Man, this guy is so Delusional. I almost think he makes these outrageous statements to sell his crap movies. Maybe, he actually believes it.

BTW, I can’t even get through five minutes of Alone in the Dark. (This is coming from me, the guy that watched Norbit.)

I thought Germany closed the tax loophole, but I guess not.

Sorry, Boll, I won’t be seeing postal.

MC said...

I think his use of the tax system is ok according to German standards, as he is a German at the head a German company making films... not an German front company for an American Studio.