Wednesday, July 26, 2006

As If This Brangelina thing hadn't gone far enough

As if the love child of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie wasn't already immortalized to a level that the Baby Jesus is now looking over his tiny shoulder, people had to go and take it a step too far.

Why? What could be happening that would draw this kind of reaction from me?

Baby Shiloh is going to be immortalized in wax by Madame Tussaud's museum in New York. A baby has never been made into a wax figure in the entire history of the museum. Now I could make a really cheap joke about the wax Shiloh being produced so the museum can go through with its real commissioned piece, one wax Suri Cruise for the happy couple to take home, but I won't.

I do however remember Paris Hilton entering a house of wax and it ending badly, and in all honesty, I don't see this whole thing going over any better.

I mean, I can just see a young Shiloh getting in a drunken car accident when she's 16 on some dusky Northern California highway and having to call her stepmother Anne Hathaway to come bail her out because she was belligerent with the police, shouting "Do you know who the hell I am. I'm Shiloh Pitt... they made an wax figure of me as a kid, I'm that f'n famous. I could so buy your ass," and so on.

And then there would be the inevidable intervention with Lindsay Lohan-Wilson, Paris Hilton-Trump, Tara Valderrama and the Olsen divorcees on national television to tell her that she is taking things too far and she is making a fool out of herself, and if she doesn't stop this hard partying life style, she is going to end up like that lost Hilton sister, what was her name again?

Skip ahead a few years and she is a rehab survivor who proves to be a cautionary tale for the rest of society and the continual punchline on Late Night with Patton Oswalt and the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, and then she has a major relapse and dies in Tijuana at age 25.

All because they made a wax statue of her when she was a baby. I hope the people over at Madame Tussaud's are proud of themselves for this potential future outcome.


11 comments:

snackiepoo said...

Brangelina make the baby Jesus cry!

Mr. Fabulous said...

You can't save everybody. Just try not to be living next door to them when they go off.

TJ said...

The scenario you've painted is so obvious, It is doubtful that the same scenario hadn't crossed the minds of the wax museum's owners. Those inhuman bastards!

Wendy said...

I'm so sick of this whole Brangelina thing. I can't wait until they are out of the spotlight.

MC said...

Snackie: I am reminded of this, and I can see why the baby Jesus would cry.

Mr. Fab: Powerful but true words... though I think when you see a tank parked in front of your neighbor's house, it is a little too late.

TJ: They are celebrity sadists, every one. They used to just buy Vietnamese boat people to drain them of their misery so their waxworks looked so lifelike, but now, they can just milk those substances from both the celebrities themselves and the general public.

Wendy: I think we need a counter-Divertor... that would get things back on track.

arthbard said...

Yeah, a baby wax sculpture seems a little dumb, but ... I have to say, I think you missed out on rather obvious joke, here, by not going all out with the Hilton surname, a la Paris Hilton - Trump - Stiller - Vaughn - Black - White - Ahmenijabad - Trumpagain - Rather.

See, it's funny, 'cause she's a whore.

R. said...

Oy. Enough with Brangelina. Angelina needs to get some of that Gia edge back.

theothermichelle said...

I don't think even Prince William and Harry got wax baby status. That puts Shiloh at a whole new level!

MC said...

Arthbard: I tend to use that kind of joke with Britney Spears 'cause she is the marrying type... Pam Anderson fits well with that as well.

R: So are you advocating a heroin-fueled deathmatch with Courtney Love?

Michelle: I wonder if they were born today if they would have received that honor?

RC said...

i think this is hillarious...when will Shiloh ever get a moment of silence in her life...never! as long as her parents are selling her out to the world.

--RC of strangeculture.blogspot.com

MC said...

Is selling out your kid for charity less unscrupulous than doing it for your own material greed?