Little Black Napoleon: An Idea That Has to Come to Fruition

A few days ago, I was riffing in the comments section of my post on blaming Leno for his role in that NBC unpleasantness, when I said a certain phrase that tickled me.

Little Black Napoleon.

And over the course of that night, I started to imagine how a play about Napoleon at Waterloo would turn out if the leads were played by diminutive African-American actors.

Yeah, welcome to my warped little world.

Since I can really only think of three actors who fit this bill off the top of my head, well, it made the task of doing so a very easy.

For instance, who could play Napoleon... hmmm... who was in a picture recently looking defiant, angry whilst incarcerated? Why, it is Gary Coleman of course.



Naturally, he would bring that same quality to this project playing a man who has just escaped from captivity in a bid to regain his former glory. (It is also said that if one was to urinate on a picture of Gary Coleman, the demon of fame would be summoned. However, it is a capricious little creature, so I would not advise you do that).

There would have to be a scene where he is stretched out on the floor saying Merde repeatedly.... just that one Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure reference.

But who would be the Wellington to Gary Coleman's Napoleon? Why there is only one person it can be. I am of course talking about TV's Webster, Emmanuel Lewis.



So while Coleman was getting robbed blind by his parents, little Manny Mo was living a life of privilege as an executive producer of Webster, a show he wasn't even originally supposed to be on. And you know there would be tension between those two on stage. I think there might be a point where they actually try to kill each other, and looking into Coleman's eyes above, I think he would definitely have the advantage.

And playing Field Marshall Blucher would be none other than Tony Cox.



Why? Because any dude that can hit the ground like this...



...is the same dude who has the poise and dignity to play a Field Marshall.

Now you have to admit to yourself that now that I've suggested it, you sort of want to see this too. Come on... you know you want to see it.

Tags: gary coleman, little black napoleon, wellington, blucher, waterloo, bill and ted's excellent adventure, emmanuel lewis, manny mo, webster, tony cox, little people, napoleon, warped world