Monday, August 31, 2009

Running Down the Odds

2 to 3: A Superhero based movie becomes the highest grossing individual film of all time within the next decade.

2 to 1: within 3 years, there will be a movie starring either Steven Seagal, Wesley Snipes or Jean Claude Van Damme released direct to DVD called Death Panel.

5 to 2: At some point in the next 3 years (if it hasn't come to pass already) someone will make a pornographic movie featuring a parody of either Billy Mays or Vince Offer.

3 to 1: One of the celebutards (Lohan, Hilton, Richie etc) gets indicted for fraud or some other financial related manner within the next decade.

4 to 1: Someone receives a lead actor Oscar for playing a comic book superhero within the next decade.

6 to 1: A major film critic or other cultural leader declares that indeed a video game that was released for a console was worthy of being called art within this console generation.

7 to 1: A movie based on a comic book wins for best picture in the next 15 years.

10 to 1: A new cable channel is founded in the next decade which shows only mashups and other materials which are of questionable copyright status.

18 to 1: Video gaming becomes so mainstream that within 5 years there will either be An Apprentice-style reality show for a job at a hot studio, or a video game playing competition series on a major network (which includes one of the surging cable networks).

25 to 1: In the next decade, all of the following films are remade: Casablanca, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Shawshank Redemption, Dementia 13, The Breakfast Club, The Ten Commandments and Easy Rider.

40 to 1: A movie will be made and released for wide distribution of a human being filming their entire life with some form of cybernetic camera within the next 15 years.

100 to 1: A major A-list celebrity will murder another A-list celebrity within the next 15 years.

200 to 1: There will be three major motion pictures made from the work of Terry Pratchett within the next decade and a half.

400 to 1: Someone will film a fictional war movie during the next major American war on the ground while it is happening.

1000 to 1: A reality show wins an Emmy for Best Drama.

2000 to 1: A series is filmed entirely on an airplane in flight within the next 10 years.

3000 to 1: Jack Thompson becomes a lobbyist FOR the gaming industry.

8000 to 1: Uwe Boll produces a feature length movie that is nominated for an Oscar.

140000 to 1: Uwe Boll writes and directs a feature length film that wins an Oscar.

3 million to 1: Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are nominated for Oscars in the same year.

50 million to 1:
3 reality show stars win the top prize in a lottery.

500 trillion to 1: Uwe Boll wins the lotto after winning an Oscar for his adaptation of Lumines and subsequently marries and divorces the Academy Award winning leading lady in that epic, Paris Hilton, after she goes to medical school and cures herpes.

1 googolplex to 1: I somehow discover the secret of the Infinite Improbability Engine and making all these things within the realm of possibility in the same year.


Megan said...

I don't want Pratchett films. I'd rather have the Discworld right where it is. In my own head, courtesy of P'Terry.

Jeremy Barker said...

I put a dollar down on the Infinite Improbability Drive? I know the odds are long, but the payoff would rock.

MC said...

Megan: You know it is going to happen eventually... our only hope is that it is someone who likes them, and not someone just doing a paycheck job.

Jeremy: See, if I get an Infinite Improbability Drive, paying out on that wouldn't be a problem, so yes, I will take your dollar.

Semaj said...

Lohan odds: I see that actually happening like in a few weeks. Something doesnt add up with that break-in with people that knew their way around her house.

MC said...

Well, it could have been an ex or something.