Friday, January 11, 2008

An Open Letter to Will Smith

Well, the shit just got unreal. Yes, it seems that despite your protestations in early December Mr. Smith, you have turned to the dark side and started down the path of lunacy. Yes, it appears you may now be a Scientologist.

It is true that Hollywood loves its celebrities batshit crazy, but in a wacky way... like Shirley MacLaine. You remember what happened when Tom Cruise appeared on Oprah right? And the Today Show? Don't be that guy.

Now let's put it this way, if you didn't have money and influence, the Church wouldn't want you as a member. It is as simple as that. And if you ever ran out of money, well, let's just say they wouldn't be so kind to you, and when the Scientologists aren't being nice, well, you certainly know it.

I know you were in Independence Day and Men in Black, so fighting aliens seems like a good idea in spirit, but you have to remember something. That was only a movie. It wasn't real. And Xenu wasn't real, even if your wife tries to convince you otherwise or your friend Tom Cruise.

And lets be honest with a paraphrasing of something Garth Algar said: if Tom Cruise was an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick. You know it, and I know it.

Now before you make any rash decisions Mr. Smith, I suggest you rent Steve Martin and Frank Oz's underated Bowfinger and really watch Eddie Murphy's portrayal of Kit Ramsey, because I guarantee, that will be you in a few years.

I can only hope that you see the error of your ways soon, but I don't believe that will happen, and unfortunately, I like many others will have a hard time supporting your future work.

4 comments:

kimpunkrock said...

Hahahahahah--

Great Blog!

You rule!!

Hahahaha
-thanks-
kpr

DutchBitch said...

OMG! Not Will too!!!! Sheesh!

Semaj said...

agreed, Will is starting to lose it and it will be only a matter of time before the Scientology people will start making decisions for him and speaking for him.

Why would Will get involved with these people?

MC said...

Kim: Thank you, thank you :)

Dutchy: Yep... looks like it.

Semaj: He is getting involved because his wife is with them.