Thursday, August 23, 2007

Celebutante Round-up: Drinking the Hater-ade

I'm feeling really mean today... and what better target than dumb, irresponsible celebrities?

  • Britney Spears is threatening to run away with her kids. Part of me is rooting for her to do it so that I don't have to keep hearing about her. However, the rest of me realizes that if she did that, well, Nancy Grace and her harpy media brothers and sisters would be on twenty-four hours a day on every channel screeching about it, and I don't think we as a society could take that. To put it bluntly, if Britney ran away with her kids, it would lead to the end of the world, because the guys and gals that run the missile silos... well, they watch TV too... and eventually one of them would snap and take out New York, Miami or Los Angeles to try to take out not only the celebutantes, but the news media as well.

  • Lohan is Miss-Demeanored: Despite stealing a car, confining its passengers against their will in a speeding car and chasing a woman down a highway whilst drunk and in possession of cocaine, Lindsay Lohan was charged with 7 misdemeanors. Correct me if I am wrong, but haven't people been brutally beaten by the police for far less than that? I am not supporting police brutality mind you, but I think the public would look the other way the next time she did something like that.

  • Paris Hilton settles lawsuit caused by her bitchiness: OK, we all know being someone who dated an ex of Paris Hilton is always a bad idea(though it is so much better to be the before than the after in that case so you aren't going to be a cast member of Hilton's Simplex Life crew. So, I fully believe that she is capable of trying to destroy someone else in the media. I mean, we are all familiar with her work, so I am glad she had to settle with someone because of her bitchy behavior. But you know who should have been getting paid from this. The rest of us for having to put up with this crap. Therefore, I am proposing that every time we have to read a story about a new incident in her life, we send her a bill for a dollar and bleed her dry. After all, when most people want publicity, they have to pay for it, so why shouldn't we get a cut of that?

  • Donald Trump wants the above trio for The Apprentice. I applaud the move, since no one watches The Apprentice anymore, so maybe we'll finally get some peace and quiet as people continue not to watch it. That or someone will finally shave that tabby cat on the top of his head and make some merkins for the three of them.


4 comments:

THE BLUEST BUTTERFLY said...

One would think that if Britney Spears were really plan to run away with her children, she wouldn't tell the whole world about it.

MC said...

Is she smart enough to think that far ahead though?

Micgar said...

You know what gets me about this? Those brainless twits on those celebrity/entertainment shows that say "Brit" or "Lin" in that giggling, cloying way as they describe every little move these dullards make.

MC said...

I look at them in a "how are you still famous?" sort of way.