Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Burning Question: Who would you take on?

I was watching Fight Club last night, and when the scene where Tyler(Pitt) and Jack(Norton) were discussing the famous people they would take in a fight, it got me to thinking about the very same question in a few other variations.

For instance, I had never considered who I would take on in a fight if I had to pick an advertising icon. I mean, there are so many choices, and while someone like the Burger King or Ronald McDonald springs immediately to mind, they just don't seem right for my burning rage. And I admit it would be fun to beat the living crap out of the Pillsbury Dough Boy whilst yelling "Whose laughing now, beeyotch!", but that would still be unfulfilling.

No, the answer came to me in a flash: the owl from those old Tootsie Pop Commercials, that smarmy overly intellectual, conniving ball of feathers. He deserves that beatdown, because I am sure that wasn't the first kid that he conned out of their Tootsie Pop or other valued consumer good. I am sure there are stories about his days teaching at the local school that would also make him a prime candidate for a brutal bird beating. I would wring his scrawny professorial neck, I would, I would and boot that brainiac lollybiter to the curb. That would be some sweet satisfaction.

So, who would you take on and how would that fight turn out?

14 comments:

Mel said...

Easy. If I were to fight an icon, it would be Barbie. I would take that bitch to TOWN for every single time I got called "Barbie" throughout my teens and twenties... and for that dumb-ass "Math is HARD!" quote.

Mr. Fabulous said...

I kinda like the idea of kicking the shit out of Mr. Whipple...

Jen said...

I would kick
all of the
The Campbell Soup Kids
asses..

ugly bastards

Hilly said...

The Keebler Elves....everybody does NOT love fudge, beyotches.

Paul G said...

It'd be too easy, but that stupid Snuggles fabric softener bear. It's the whiny voice that grated on me. Hmmm, on that note, I'd kick Caillou's ass too.

It's Me, Maven... said...

See, I was more a Charms BLOW Pop gal myself. Deduce from that what you will...

Hmmm... I think I'd take on Kathie Lee Gifford in a steel cage death match. My coup de gras will be trussing her up in one of those old styled corsets. Her puppies have been goin' commando for too long....

MC said...

mel: I am sure you would multiply her pain and subtract her teeth and hair.

Mr. Fab: I could see him telling you not to squeeze his balls... or you making him wipe up after himself with Charmin.

jen: You know that their blood is tomato soup, right.

Hilly: Oh, the Keebler elves... yes, they deserve some comeuppance too.

Paul: I think you like this then

Maven: I thought you would have let the sweatshop kids beat her with wet t-shirts with pictures of Cody on them.

paul g said...

Egads, that's even more disturbing than the original commercials! I'll be shuddering all day...

Diesel said...

I think I could take the Maytag repairman. He's old and doesn't get much exercise. Also, I never forgave him for being a child molester on Diff'rent Strokes.

RC said...

good call...

I personally would fight the oven mitt from whoevers commercials those were (Arbys?)

MC said...

diesel: I thought you'd beat hinm up because he was responsible for bombing Cincinnati with turkeys too...

RC: Yeah, kill that Tom Arnold-sounding bastard.

turqois said...

Jared, from Subway. He's gotta be weak from not eating much.

I hate that guy.

Diesel said...

BTW, my 7 year old son is testing the "how many licks" question. He has a sucker that he's been working on for 3 days now. He's keeping a log of how many times he's licked it. I believe he's up to 800. I shit you not.

MC said...

Turq: Yes, he was once fat, but not he's just ugly.

Diesel: I just think there is going to be a week where the crew at Mythbusters build machine test that myth... and after they come up with an answer, the battle over who will take it home will destroy MI5 Industries.