Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Weirdest Comments I've ever Gotten

6 Contributions
Because my blog only lists comments from the entries which are currently on the front page, what happened to me last night would likely fly under everyone's radar.

I got some of the weirdest comments I have ever gotten, and I thought you all needed to see them for their pure entertainment value.

It started at an entry I posted back in April with a video featuring the cripple fight from South Park juxtaposed with the fight scene from They Live.

At 1/30/2009 04:01:00 PM, Anonymous JEsus man with the plan added...

the little man liked to poop and jesus ate a whole lot of midgets. little black midgets to be exact, jewish too. damn him DAMN HIM!


And then they mosied into the Alvin and the Chipmunks do Punk entry and left this gem:

At 1/30/2009 04:02:00 PM, Anonymous the crack head added...

damnit lil chipmunks need to rock dat shiz. they needs some lil poeple over their shoulders and some spikey shit


And then a few minutes later, they hit my post about Provocative Blogging Questions with the following:

At 1/30/2009 04:05:00 PM, Anonymous the crazy dude with a beard added...

god damnit! the son of a bitch turned into a crazy purple giraffe. and the fucking blue money is dancing. OOOOOOO SHIT! my friend just turned into a yellow JAG MAN!!!!!!


And then they finally seemed to have hit the wall at the Jones Soda entry with this masterpiece:

At 1/30/2009 04:07:00 PM, Anonymous pimpin dawg added...

its true i drank that shit and my stomach blew up. now i gotta spend my life mopping up blood and food i lose when i eat. fuck them all. i cant even crap anymore. its bull shit. my finger just fell off and my eye fell out great


No links... no ads for anything... just pure random weirdness. I kind of liked it truth be told.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Week 38: Pageant of the Transmundane

4 Contributions
Improperly prepared Blowfish testicles poison seven in Japan while a defendant caused a mistrial by smearing feces on his lawyer's face. Which is weirder? I don't know. But I do think this week's Transmundanity winner tops both of those stories.

This week's winning entry comes from the New England style lodgings of Casual Slack.

Jen discovered and reposted a rather unique family portrait that I think will leave some readers scarred (or even just scared) for life.

And because a family portrait is involved, naturally, I had a particular Simpson image in mind for this week. Yes, it is one of the famous family portraits Bart found a way to wreck. If you can think of a more appropriate Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award image, I'd like to see it.



Congratulations Jen. Here is your badge.




The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Friday Favorites: Maybe CSI:NY should investigate this

3 Contributions
The reason I am reposting this is simple: CSI has a new lead actor after the departure of William Petersen, and the franchise seems to be worth talking about again.

I wrote this entry back in May 2006 (as you will likely notice, most of these entries are from early to mid-2006. I don't know how far in the future some of the things I am writing now are going to become Friday Favorites).

--

I was not an early watcher of CSI, I admit. But there has been something that has been bothering me for a little while now.

It lays mainly in the theme music for the second spinoff of the franchise, CSI: NY. You see, "Baba O'Riley", while being a great song by the Who, has no connection to any kind of crime fighting.

Am I being picky? I would say so. However, let's look at the facts.

The original show has "Who Are You" as its theme, and given the fact that it is about forensic scientists trying to solve crime through DNA and other evidence, it really fits.

Then there is CSI: Miami with "Won't Get Fooled Again" which isn't the most closely tied to the field, but an argument could be made that forensic evidence makes it less likely that the police/CSI's would get fooled by lies and such, so I'll buy it.

And then you have CSI: NY, with a song which has absolutely no connection to CSI whatsoever. Teenage Wasteland indeed.

Considering the fact that you could probably just throw darts at a list of songs by the Who and get a song that you could connect to forensics, it is just, I don't know, bad form on the producers' part.

To test this supposition out, I randomly chose two numbers and applied them to a who compilation I don't own to see if I could accomplish this feat. I chose numbers 3 and 7, then selected 20th Century Masters: The Best Of The Who as the compilation.

What did I end up with? "I Can See for Miles" and "Behind Blue Eyes".

Let's look at "I Can See For Miles" first. Here is the first verse and chorus.

I know you've deceived me, now here's a surprise
I know that you have 'cause there's magic in my eyes

I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah

If you think that I don't know about the little tricks you play
And never see you when deliberately you put things in my way

Well, here's a poke at you
You're gonna choke on it too
You're gonna lose that smile
because all the while

I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles
I can see for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles
Oh yeah


Now, you are telling me that they couldn't have had Gary Sinise looking at a crime scene with UV light and those special glasses, swabbing people and doing all the other CSI type things better to that? I mean, that has a lot more to do with the subject at hand than the current theme.

And then there is "Behind Blue Eyes", which is essentially about crime and conscience, and that isn't good enough for New York? Come on. Did they not even look for another song? If I can do better by random, how hard could it have been to find something when you were really trying?

*grumble* I guess maybe they are saving a song or two for the inevitable CSI: San Francisco or the like.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The 20 Men I Admire Meme

4 Contributions
Weeks ago, Samuraifrog tagged me with this meme, and sometimes it takes me a while to get things together for something like this.

The title basically says it all.

Here are the rules:

1. Link back to the blog that tagged you.

2. Link back to the originator of this meme, which is The Dino Lounge.

3. Create your own list of 20 men that you admire and post them on your blog.

4. Tag 5 other people to participate in this meme.

5. If you like, please let The Dino Lounge know that you've participated in this meme so he can check out your posting and comment on it.



And here is my list:

James Joyce


Niccolo Machiavelli


Charles Darwin


Otto Von Bismarck


Terry Pratchett


Samuel L. Jackson


William Carlos Williams


Penn and Teller


Patton Oswalt


George Carlin


George Clooney


The Coen Brothers


Ennio Morricone


Bob Ross


Mr. Rogers


Will Durant


Roger Ebert


Salvador Dali


Now you know I don't tag people, so if you want to do this, then just run with it.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Sea Kittens? PETA Please

3 Contributions
There are a lot of groups that I like to ridicule, and if you read this blog regularly, I am sure you can think of a few whom I've targeted more than others.

However, I haven't really gone after PETA, despite how many times one of their campaigns, celebrity spokespeople or ads has irked me.

One person has really read my mind about one of the newest PETA campaigns however, and I thought it was worth sharing.



Fish are Sea Kittens? Wow... that is really messed up. I am glad that Spricket24 put her thoughts to electronic celluloid, because I think she basically hit all the points I would have, especially about the economic repercussions of PETA's ultimate aim of stopping commercial fishing.

The Wrestler at Wrestlemania

2 Contributions
Back in August, I wrote a somewhat scathing entry about how as an adult, I longed for the kind of fun wrestling I watched when I was a kid. But I started watching wrestling again after I started playing Fire Pro Wrestling Returns, and I have to admit that I may have been off base.

It was also in the Fire Pro Club forums that I had first heard about The Wrestler, a movie which many of the jaded fans of wrestling were looking forward to seeing because it was a more realistic fictionalized depiction of this form of entertainment.

And then it was recently announced that Mickey Rourke was booked for a match at Wrestlemania 25, which I have mixed feelings about.

On one hand, I think this booking basically killed any chance Rourke had of winning the Best Actor Oscar, much in the same way Norbit destroyed Eddie Murphy's chances of winning an award for Dreamgirls. In fact, it might hurt the entire movie at the ceremonies.

And if it hurts Mickey Rourke at the Oscars, it might also hurt his career after this. In the interviews surrounding this movie, one theme has become evident... Mickey Rourke doesn't want to be a sellout. Well, having a match at Wrestlemania is sort of a selling out of those very ideals he seems to be chasing, and perhaps undercutting the message of the movie as well.

However, since this is going to happen whether I like it or not, I guess I have to look at the positives on this deal.

I don't question Rourke's ability in the ring and I have a feeling he will do admirably in it and will sell it well. And if someone is going to be the professional in this situation and take care of actor in the ring, well, I think Chris Jericho is the right man for the job. He is a performer who has been around the block more than a few times and wrestled under a wide variety of circumstances, so he will work well in this situation. He will make the match pop without unduly endangering Rourke.

So in short, I think this match is a really bad idea, but in execution, it should probably work out fine.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Pop Culture and Band Names: Movie edition

3 Contributions
Bands sometimes get inspiration from a variety of sources, and this is evident in their names as well. As a pop culture observer, finding a band that takes its name from a movie or television show makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, because it is almost as if the band and their audience is sharing an inside joke.

Off the top of my head, Sweep the Leg Johnny from The Karate Kid or Save Ferris from Ferris Bueller's Day Off naturally come to mind for this sort of naming.

I thought it would be fun to think up band names along the same lines... not that I will ever be in a band or anything (which everyone out there should thank their lucky stars for).

For this, little exercise, I've decided to stick to movies... at some point in the future, I may revisit this topic just using a specific genre of television programming. And the fictional/fake band names in movies are out of bounds.

Here are just a few names that popped into my head in the past hour or so (aside from the first one, which is the whole reason I am writing this entry):

New Style American Girlfriend from Sixteen Candles

Fhloston Paradise from The Fifth Element

We Ate Sand and Howdy Kurt from Raising Arizona

I Killed Your Master, Blood-spattered Angel and Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill

Friendo from No Country From Old Men

Almost any gang name from The Warriors (The Gramercy Riffs, The Turnbull A.C.'s, The Lizzies, The Baseball Furies etc).

Filthy Nasty Things, The Chokey and The Trunchbull from Matilda

Precinct 13 from Assault on Precinct 13 (I was going to say "Napoleon Wilson" as well, but it turns out there is a band called that in Britain.

The Crusty Jugglers from Hot Fuzz

One Bad Stud from Streets of Fire

So, are there any movie quotes/names that you think would make awesome band names?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Sunday Night Videos: Papercuts

2 Contributions
I first saw this video by Broadcast back in 2000 on a Canadian cable show called The Wedge, and I was instantly hooked on the band.

I then put it on a mix cd I made for a girl I had just met.



And the weird thing was, every song on that mix cd ended up being relevant. Who would have thought my decisions in making such an item would end up being prophetic? I certainly wouldn't have. This song was especially prescient with a quick reverse in the gender in the lyrics.

That's all I'm really going to say about that, aside from the fact that despite that, I still love the song and the band.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Week 37: Pageant of the Transmundane

2 Contributions
Officials in Lagos, Nigeria arrested a goat on suspicion of car theft. I always knew goats were crafty, if odd looking, animals, but I didn't know they had the ability to drive cars as well. I wonder if that would count as a meal on wheels for a goat. Could this week's winner top that oddity. We shall soon see.

The winning entry this week hails from the warm brown shores of The Regrettable Music Blog, a site which has a tendency to bring the strange to light on a semi-regular basis.

However, this is one of those times when you have to see the item in question with little indication of its content, aside from the fact that it is work safe and a little clue in the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award image. Enjoy the oddity.



Congratulations Darren and everyone else at The Regrettable Music Blog. Here is your badge.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday Favorites: Nothing Short of a Meteor Strike Will Stop It

2 Contributions
I've been listening to a lot of music lately trying to get enough cleared music for a couple of podcasts. I mean a lot. Too much. I'm talking full on overload.

So for this week's Friday Favorite, I thought another music related entry was in order. In this case, it is about a song which will exist long after the human race has finally ceased to exist. Be warned... it is a song you may not want to have brought back into your mind.

--

With all this talk about a wider Middle East war and so many new countries pursuing the dream of nuclear armament ownership (it's like a couple's first house, only most homes don't have a creamy uranium center that will liquefy the insides of millions of people in an instant), I've been wondering what would survive the cataclysmic wars of Armageddon.

Of course, Twinkies, cockroaches and Christmas Fruitcake all come to mind, but perhaps a more sinister survivor will emerge.

And of course I am talking about, the Safety Dance, that oh-so-hummable slice of nostalgic Eigties-ana. Think about it. It survived grunge, it survived hip hop.... it is the terminator of songs... and it won't stop until it has consumed us all. Wil Wheaton wondered how it could get recorded? It was a conspiracy to enslave the human race slowly but surely.

Even Matt Groening thinks it will be in part our undoing. I mean, it survived a millenium into the future on Futurama, for it is our past and it is our future... it will be the anthem of our dark overlords.



So today, we must stop it, so I am calling for everyone to burn any copies of Biodome that you can find. Though really, we should have already been doing that. If we don't do this, than someone in the future is going to have to be sent back to destroy Men Without Hats and they will probably end up killing Duran Duran and Men at Work just to be sure, and we don't want that on our heads either... especially since the alternative is so much worse.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Express Checkout: Brandy, Mickey, K-Fed and Tyler- Attorneys at Law

5 Contributions
  • Brandy Norwood has avoided getting entangled in the tentacles of the Church of Scientology. She took some courses, but she has escaped without getting snagged and bankrupted by the *cough* church, which means there is a little bit less money coming in. That is good news any way you slice it.

  • Kevin Federline may be doing Dancing With the Stars. I can't believe I am seeing the day K-Fed is actually doing something he is both trained in and competent at. Of course, the disadvantage of this situation is the public is going to be exposed to him all over again. I mean, I had almost forgotten what he looked like before this.

  • The producers of the Iron Man sequel seem to be lowballing Mickey Rourke. After winning the Golden Globe for Best Actor for The Wrestler, getting a nomination for the same role at the Oscars and being a huge part of Sin City and the upcoming The Expendables, somehow I think his major role in the movie is worth more than what is being offered. There are other rumors that it was a similar salary offer which made Samuel L. Jackson balk at appearing in the movie in a role whose comic book origins were eventually shaped by him. For the record, the first Iron Man movie made over half a billion dollars in revenue.

  • And in the "how is this news" category, apparently Aerosmith's Steven Tyler played I'll show you mine if you show me yours with a couple of teenaged twins when he was 7. Why did anyone think that was newsworthy? I know why I am talking about it (because it is so silly a subject to begin with), but why did someone think it was worth reporting to begin with?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Justice League 300

3 Contributions
I don't know when the 300 mashups are going to finally cease being legend on the internet, but until they finally become unfashionable, I will inevitably share the best ones I see.

In this case, it is a mashup of the audio of 300 with the animated visuals of Justice League.



It isn't Anchorman 300, but it is still pretty good.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Making a Pilot Prediction

4 Contributions
I was reading a story at AceShowbiz about 7 pilots the Fox Network picked up for next season, and one of them really stood out to me, and at the moment, it is my pick for the stupidest sounding dramatic premise for the upcoming year.

The last drama has not yet received a title, but it revolves around investigators who solve the mysteries of their clients in previous lives so that they can solve the present problems.


Say what?

I can accept a lot of premises for shows, even if I don't personally watch them, but somehow, that one is just beyond me.

Reading that short synopsis is making me want to get that pilot I am working on done as quickly as possible, because on my worst day, I can probably come up with a better drama than that. Really, who is the audience for that show off the shelf? I didn't know Shirley MacLaine was a Nielsen viewer.

Now, they may get some attractive and buzzworthy actors and actresses for the show and perhaps use that to get people through the door, but I honestly can't see whatever this show is going to be called making it to the midseason.

And for those of you who are thinking that it doesn't sound that bad, just remember all the shows you've enjoyed on Fox that the network has cancelled after a few episodes and ask yourself would you rather see this show or the return of one of those other series that didn't get a fair chance.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Karma's a Bitch

3 Contributions
So here is something that made me really believe in karma.

"Comedian" Dane Cook steals bits from other comedians. It is documented and has been investigated, so I am not going to argue that point. (And on a personal note, whenever someone calls another person a douchebag, the first person I see in my mind is Dane Cook... because even if he didn't steal jokes and make awful movies, he just looks like the embodiment of that term).

Now it has come to my attention that Dane Cook and 3 million of his ill-gotten gains were parted from one another at some point late last year.

That's good schadenfreude.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Sunday Night Video: Voodoo People Remix

2 Contributions
I remember the original version of this Prodigy song from the tape switcher battle in Hackers, but at the time, I didn't know what the song was called until much later.

Anyway, a few years after its initial release, a remix with an entirely new video was released, and that is the one I wanted to highlight this week.



The video is an homage to a 2001 Spanish movie Intacto, which features a sequence similar to the one depicted in the video.

It is a weird movie, and the Prodigy sort of fits with the concept.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Week 36: Pageant of the Transmundane

9 Contributions
There is a rhesus monkey who throws feces on the loose in Tampa Bay. I can't make that up; it is just too weird.

But I digress. This week's winning entry comes from All I Need is Everything, which swept in with a late entry to pull off the victory.

You see, she posted a picture of a rather strange statue, that when I saw it, my first thought was "Who dumped chocolate pudding or mud on that little girl and puppy?" It is frightening, bizarre and perhaps cute, I haven't made a decision about that last part just yet.

And because this week's winning entry is statue related, I thought Homer in Pewter would be a more than appropriate marking of this Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award. I almost went with an image of Homer getting coldcocked running into the outstretched bronze fist of a Drederick Tatum, but I think this is better for these circumstances.



Congrats Megan. Here is your badge.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Comedy Gold: The Bowling Pin

0 Contributions
There are certain things that no matter how many times you see them, they still make you laugh.

I've decided to do a series of entries about things that always seem to work for me in comedic, dramatic and horror situations. And I am starting with something I've dubbed "The Bowling Pin", based on the shape of the human body and how the whole gag plays out.

The Bowling Pin is a piece of physical comedy wherein the actor involved gets knocked over their body remains straight and rigid, and as they hit the ground, they roll on their shoulder/head with their legs straight up in the air, so they resemble a bowling pin that has been knocked down by a ball.

The moment which I think best exemplifies the Bowling Pin comes from a scene in Bad Santa where Willie (Billy Bob Thorton) and Marcus (Tony Cox) are trying to teach a naive kid to box at a gym so he doesn't get picked on, and one thing leads to another and all three end up on the mat after being struck in the groin. Marcus is struck down below on two non-consecutive occasions, and on the second strike, he ends up going down hard, and hits the canvas as a rigid mass and ends up in this position:



At the time, I thought it was funny because it was a little person ending up in that position, and I thought that only someone like Verne Troyer or Warwick Davis could make that work comedically because it is almost like something out of a cartoon.

And then I saw a trailer for Paul Blart: Mall Cop which had a particular scene end with Kevin James's Blart jumping into a glass door and bouncing off, and hitting the ground like so:



And I laughed hard. It is probably the only good laugh in that movie, but every time I see that maneuver play out, I just can't help but laugh. It is a thing of beauty when I see someone get the Bowling Pin treatment.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Digital Compositing At Its Best

2 Contributions
In the past, I've been down on digital effects, but every so often, I see them utilized in such a way that leaves me stunned.

This is one of those times.

There is a history program in the UK called Timewatch, and they recently did an episode about the landings at Omaha Beach on D-Day, a task which took 1000 extras when Spielberg did it for Saving Private Ryan.

The crew at Timewatch did the principal photography for those scenes at Normandy in 4 days with just three actors and the end result is more than respectable.



That is some spectacular work. There may be some flaws, but for the resources used, it is pretty good.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A few thoughts regarding American Dad

7 Contributions
I have to admit it: I liked American Dad.



When I first saw the show, I negatively compared it to Family Guy, as both shows focus on a traditional family with three child-type characters and a pet (for the sake of the earlier analogy I considered American Dad's Roger to be somewhat like Stewie on Family Guy), and it seemed like a ripoff by MacFarlane.

But my opinion of the series has changed over time as I've seen more episodes and with the relatively recent showings of the first season's episodes on Teletoon (which is the Canadian equivalent of The Cartoon Network/Adult Swim), and I can see that in general, it does have some admirable qualities and has come into its own as a show, much like Futurama distanced itself from The Simpsons after a little while.

One thing that is really working in the show's favor is that unlike its predecessor, I genuinely care about what happens to most of the characters on American Dad, as they aren't really buffoonish caricatures. Stan Smith for instance, has some emotional depth and something approaching an intellectual life, and when you look at Peter Griffin, you don't see that because he is sort of one dimensional. In general, most of the characters seem smarter on American Dad than they do on Family Guy, and the character dynamics are more interesting because aside from Roger the alien and Klaus the fish, the characters feel more real, despite the sometimes outlandish plot twists.

The show also doesn't really resort to the Family Guy gimmick of couching its jokes in needless flashbacks and asides, so narratively, the show is more fulfilling and feels more organic. Yes, there are flashbacks, but they are germane to that particular plot, and they aren't throwaway jokes. And whatever criticisms I can level against Family Guy, I have to admit that Seth MacFarlane is a talented voice artist and a fairly decent in-character singer, as is his sister.

I also appreciate that the series is a little more politically-oriented to its core, as Stan works at the CIA and is a fervent Reaganite and the family lives in Northern Virginia, and while most of the jabs aren't particularly subtle, there does seem to be a little bit more sophistication to the humor. I am sort of interested in seeing if the election of Barack Obama changes the nature of the jokes on the show.

If the upcoming Seth MacFarlane series The Cleveland Show is more in the tradition of American Dad than it is of Family Guy, well, I may find myself enjoying that series as well.

Monday, January 12, 2009

How a couple of Resolutions are shaping up so far

2 Contributions
The Music Podcast: So far I have joined a few sites that give me access to podsafe music, I've been looking into contacting a few artists who haven't specifically cleared their music for podcasting and I sketched out the parameters of the show so I have something to work towards in terms of length and frequency. I am looking at 20-40 minutes every two weeks, which I think is doable. I just have to put together a few playlists, find a good hosting site for the podcast files and figure out how to put one together with the programs I have (which again, shouldn't be too difficult). I am happy that I got a few good leads over the weekend in tracking down a band who released an album I loved intensely a decade ago.

Work with Electronic Music: I know it was a resolution from last year, but I figured it was never too late to get my ass in gear on a previous resolution. Anyway, while I was chatting with Semaj over the weekend, we were talking about my plans for the podcasts and various other blogging related matters, and I started to play around with my old music sequencing software and get my discs full of samples and loops out to try to reacquaint myself with the software, and I think I should shortly be in a position to get some work done with it.

The Pilot/Novel: I've read about writing treatments, started doing the sketches for the characters and some of the preliminary work on general plot trajectory the story should be moving in, as well as figuring out some of the key scenes and the dialogue that accompanies them. At least in the initial stages, this seems to be shaping up well. Of course, I haven't started the slog just yet.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sunday Night Video: Alpha - South

2 Contributions
Last week, I posted a video by The Beta Band and said I confused the band with Alpha.

I got a copy of this song (the original album mix) on a cd that came with an issue of CMJ magazine back in the early part of this decade, and it was one of those songs that had a huge effect on me. It made chills run up my spine.

Now, I don't like this remix as much as I like the original, but the video more than makes up for it. There is a 15 second bumper before it, so keep that in mind when you press play.



Friday, January 09, 2009

Week 35: Pageant of the Transmundane

0 Contributions
I read a story about an obese man who dressed up like a ninja to steal ATMs in Florida. That's pretty weird. Is it weirder than what won the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award this week? You'll have to decide.

This week's winner comes from The Adventures of Accordion Guy in the 21st Century, a funny blog that has been around since November 2001, which means it has some real legs. 7 years is a long time in the blogging village.

This time out the winning entry is merely an odd juxtaposition. Observe what happens at news sites sometimes with a caption for a story about a papal matter which is just so perfectly funny, it hurts.

And I think this Homer Simpson image is very fitting for the subject matter of the winning entry. I am just saying.



Congratulations Joey on your first Transmundanity Win.



The rules of this little contest: Every week I will be selecting one blog post that I have seen from the vast reaches of the blogosphere to bestow with the Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award for being one of the freakiest(in a funny way) things I've seen or read during a 7 day period. It doesn't necessarily have to have been written during the week, I just had to have encountered it. That means that if you find something interesting and repost it like a movie or whatever, if I saw it at your blog first, you get the prize. Of course, creating your own content is also a very good way to win.

Now, if you see a post that you think is worthy of this illustrious prize, just drop me a line at campybeaver@gmail.com and we'll see if we can't get your suggestion up and award-ready while giving you some credit and a link to your own blog.

Friday Favorites: My dirty little secret regarding Comedy

0 Contributions
I wrote this entry before the stream of *blank* Movie's really started to pick up steam. I didn't know that there would be so many more of them after Date Movie. I feel sort of prophetic with this August 2006 entry.

--

This is going to be anathema to countless lists of great comedies produced by experts, along with a lot of the comedy lovers out there.

The majority of comedic movies in the Jim Abrahams/Mel Brooks mold just don't appeal to me. I admit it. Ok, that is putting it mildly. I loathe them. I am not saying that their entire portfolio is awful or anything like that. But there is just something about comedy that is trying to make me laugh by introducing an element which is internally inconsistent that irritates me and therefore do not provoke laughter in me.

There are certain qualities I look for in the comedies I watch, no matter how silly or inane. I am willing to accept a lot of things in a movie if it conforms to the internal reality of the story.

I think that is part of the reason that if I ever tried to create a list of what I felt were the best comedies of all-time, I would make a lot of people upset, because movies like Spaceballs, Airplane, Naked Gun and the like would not appear.

Now, to make it clear what kind of comedy I am talking about, I will give an example. In Spaceballs, there is a scene when the hero and his canine buddy "jam" a larger ship's radar.... by firing an actual jar of jam at a radar. I know why it is supposed to be funny, but really, it sort of falls flat for me. Gag humor just doesn't do it for me.

radar jam

There is also a quality in a lot of these movies that in my mind makes them less than timeless. They are very topical in their references, though the jokes they produce are about as cutting as a Jay Leno show monologue joke. They want the lowest common denominator and they sort of want to be offensive in a low grade way. It is like they want to take the easy, safe laugh.

I also know that if Leslie Nielsen is in it, the movie is most likely going to suck to me. For example, when I saw he was in the last two Scary Movies, I knew they were going to be especially terrible to me, and I was right.

Now the argument could be made that I am contradicting myself, as I have in the past professed quite the love for Family Guy and the like, and it has been a well-observed that their bread and butter method of getting a laugh is by introducing some really outlandish element that has nothing to do with the narrative. But the way it happens is in some other scene(chicken-fighting excepted of course). Dreams, visions and the like make a lot of these problems go away as well(the Wayne's World effect if you will).

There is an exception that proves this rule in my mind of course, and in this particular vein of humor, Blazing Saddles still works today and makes me laugh almost every time I see it. Somehow, no matter how weird or stupid the gags get, it just strikes the right chord.

Now I know a lot of you are probably going to disagree with me about this, and that's fine. I would love to discuss this with you all, as it isn't so much a fast and hard rule as it is a predilection. So, if you think I am full of crap or you can think of a movie which is like that and yet you know or think I like based on some of my other entries, well, you can call me on it, because this could be an interesting discussion.

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Express Checkout: Pegg, Lohan and a Funeral

1 Contributions
  • As much as I dislike Scientology and Scientologists, I think the Travoltas should be allowed to bury and mourn their son in private. I think it is sort of sick the lengths some news agencies and independent contractors have reportedly gone to so they can get a scoop in this story.

  • Lindsay Lohan thinks that she should have the same kind of career and opportunities as Scarlett Johansson because she works just as hard as her peer, but her reputation precedes her. Of course it does. When you get reprimanded by a producer of a movie you are doing, or when you get fired from a recurring television guest spot, then yes, that does hurt one's prospects in Hollywood. If it was any other kind of job, who would generally get the opportunities when all other things are equal, the person who comes into work every day on time and who doesn't bring a lot of baggage with them, or the person who is disruptive, a primadonna and someone who doesn't seem to take their job seriously. I certainly know how most people would answer that question.

  • Simon Pegg and director Robert Weide have asked American fans of their movie, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People not to buy the movie on DVD, as they are angry that the Region 1 distributor stripped all the special features off the release including scenes that the two had fought to keep in the theatrical release. I think that they do have a valid point. It was material that was available, cleared and ready to go, and MGM/Fox dropped the ball. I guess I'll wait for Tintin and/or the Nick Frost/Pegg road comedy Paul or even Star Trek to watch a newish Pegg release.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Jim Breuer on Alcohol

6 Contributions
Whatever happened to Jim Breuer anyway?



I guess since Seth Rogen got famous, Hollywood has their guy that looks permanently stoned.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

10 Racing Games That Changed My Perception of Gaming

2 Contributions
I remember seeing a short interview segment with cartoonist Lynda Barry on either Prisoners of Gravity or the documentary Comic Book Confidential, where she mentioned something which in retrospect, is almost a proto-meme. She suggested as an exercise that a young writer try to document their life through ten pairs of shoes that they've owned.

Well, it led me to think about the theme of 10s and take the whole thing in a different direction... namely thinking about the 10 racing games that influenced how I thought about the genre. Here is that list:

Enduro - Atari: This was an old Activision title for the 2600 that, while not as graphically dazzling as Pole Position, the game did have a feature which was sort of revolutionary for its time: it was a racing game that didn't have a fixed timer, but rather it was as the title states, it is an endurance race that spanned a night and the object was to pass a set number of cars before daybreak. It was also one of the first driving related games that had rudimentary weather conditions, including fog, which was sort of stunning to me at ages 7-9. It wasn't pretty, but it certainly got the job done with a certain level of competence.

Outrun - Arcade: This game really influenced my view of not just racing games, but of gaming in general, because it introduced the element of choice, something that had been a foreign concept in console and arcade games to that point. If you've never played this game, at the end of each stage, you could turn left or right, and choose the next stage you would compete in seamlessly and in doing so, you also had control over the general difficulty of the game (as the left hand choices tended to be easier stages). And because you could make choices throughout the game, the game featured many endings as well. To get myself back into the right frame of mind for this particular entry, I played one of the sequels to this arcade classic on the PS2, and it made me realize that in essence, if you were great at this game, start to finish, you'd play through it in about 6 minutes. The fact that it doesn't get boring after that is a testament to how great the design and gameplay were for this game.

F-Zero - Super Nintendo: True, Hard Drivin' came out a few years before F-Zero, but those of us who played it in the arcade would probably all agree, it just didn't have a good flow to it. And then Nintendo dropped F-Zero on all of us early in the life of the SNES, and it was one of those defining moments in racing games for me and I am sure it was for a lot of other people. It was the first time I had ever seen a course with irregular corners or had the ability to essentially move the car in 360 degrees. Of course, it was a little bit of a con because Mode 7, the process that Nintendo used to create that effect was not true 3D. But the only thing that matters is the results. Knowing the secret doesn't diminish how fun this game truly was/is. It was a work of art and a game I judged future racing games by. In retrospect, it was the first game that I remember which had lap elimination (meaning that as you drove, competitors would be eliminated, so you had to keep with an ever diminishing field to finish the race... if you fell behind in a lap, well, your race could be over early).



Top Gear 2 - Super Nintendo: This was the first game that I remember car customization being a heavy part of the gameplay equation. Since your twenty competitors were driving cars that looked like yours (aside from the colors of course), the whole exercise came down to your skill as a driver and the various parts you were able to buy over the span of 64 courses across 16 countries. Your competitors were also able to buy parts which meant they got better at about the same rate as you did (you could find yourself falling behind if a few drivers got an upgrade before you). In addition, the game also kept track of in-race damage, though I can't remember if there was any performance penalty from it. Unfortunately, the Mode 7 magic of F-Zero was not replicated, but weather and fog were added, making for some interesting race conditions.

Super Mario Kart - Super Nintendo: I know, I know... there is combat in this game, but at its heart, it is still a fine racing game, and still one of the greatest two player racing experiences around. It was fun and colorful, and yet the driving physics and courses were designed for both amateurs and hardcore gamers in mind. It was also the first game that I remember that had ghost cars... an actual record of your best lap that you could compete against, which meant that doing the time trial mode became almost addictive by itself. And borrowing from the F-Zero model, it too was a Mode 7 game, so it had irregularly shaped corners and a lot of freedom to explore a course to find the best line. In SMK's case, the designers put in a number of short cuts which made going of the beaten path a little more rewarding.

Gran Turismo - PS1: When I first got my Playstation, I happened to get a demo disc with it, and the game I went nuts for was Gran Turismo. From someone who was accustomed to games like Daytona USA on the Saturn, GT was a breath of fresh air and innovative in so many ways. Tons of Licensed cars? Check. A variety of real and fictional courses? Check. An almost unheard of at that time level of customization of the cars on a console game. Check. To me, Gran Turismo was much like the earlier F-Zero in that it fundamentally changed the way I looked at racing games. It was a definitive move towards simulation in racing games (as the series has been subtitled "The Real Driving Simulator"), a move which included putting barriers to advancing through the games many, many cups/championships by way of a licensing system (you couldn't enter more lucrative/difficult events until you passed a grueling set of tests and received a license), and the increasing sophistication in the driving physics and individualized driving experience each car was capable of giving the player through modifications and customization. In short, Gran Turismo was a monumental title. However, it wasn't perfect. For instance, though it was a simulation-type game, there was no damage modeling, no weather conditions and the AI at times left something to be desired, but despite those flaws, it is still a really exceptional game.



Need for Speed: V-Rally - PS1: While not as ground breaking as the two games that bookmark it on this list, V-Rally occupies a place in my heart because it was one of the first dedicated rally games I ever played. It allowed the player to drive circuits and special stages in 8 different countries across variable weather conditions and in a first for me, driving at night with your headlights providing somewhat realistic illumination of the course. There were better racing games on the PSX I admit, but just something about this game that has made it stand the test of time in my mind.

Burnout 3 - PS2: There is a mantra in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, which is simple, yet effectively says everything about the Burnout series: I want to go fast. That is exactly the experience Burnout gave me and so many other gamers. Vehicles in other games like Gran Turismo may have reached and maintained speeds over 200 miles an hour, but I never felt like I was going that fast. But Criterion did everything right to make this game the very definition of a white knuckled ride by not only creating a game with a great sense of speed through blurring and a menagerie of sound but by also tying dangerous behavior to going faster. You are encouraged to pass close to other cars, drift and drive on the wrong side of the road. And contact with your competitors is not only allowed, it is encouraged (the subtitle of this game is Takedown). Not to mention the crashes, which are exceptional and spectacular... so much so that they comprise a separate mode in the game, which has the goal of causing the biggest, most costly accident you can.



ATV Offroad Fury 4 - PS2: You remember I mentioned choice in when discussing Outrun? There is a specific mode of racing in ATVOF4 called P2P (point to point) which exemplifies that whole aesthetic to me. P2P racing is a multistage rally event across the 5 continents in the game that allows for great freedom by design and execution. For starters, the game featured 4 types of vehicles, which in most events race in segregated events (ATV against other ATV's for example), but in P2P racing, they are all on the track competing against each other, so it is just a free for all out there. And the courses themselves, taking this into account, are made up of a lot of detours, paths and jumps which suit one type of vehicle or another, meaning that there is a lot of different ways you can approach each stage of the rally. And did I happen to mention that P2P mode is really just the icing on the cake and the game itself features over 70 different offroad tracks with some solid mildly arcadey physics, the ability to build your own courses (which can turn out pretty sweet) and a barebones but decent story mode, something I didn't even think a racing game could use until I played this game.

ToCA Race Driver 3 - PS2: You can get away with a lot in Gran Turismo that really doesn't make the races feel real, (well, that and the lack of the feeling of speed) and it sort of put me off the series and simulation racing in general. Then I played Codemasters' ToCA Race Driver 3, which took the concept in a different direction which I think makes sim racing work again. Gran Turismo was subtitled The Real Driving Simulator, and Codemasters seemed to have looked at that and seen it as a challenge, as they have dubbed ToCA 3 The Ultimate Driving Simulator... and you know what? I think they can actually back that up. What does this game bring to the table? Real cars. Yep. Real racing disciplines from a wide variety of disciplines. Check. Authentic courses. For the most part. And for me, most importantly to me, realistic damage modeling. I remember the first time I was driving an open wheel car in this game and I clipped a wall and the wheel came off, I was very impressed. And discovering that I actually had to be somewhat competent when it comes to driving to win a race instead of bumping and grinding my way through traffic was refreshing. This feels like motorsports to me, and it is fun going from driving monster trucks to Indy cars to Touring Cars in a sitting. The fact that you race for teams rather than owning the cars yourself (and money isn't involved) also makes things a little more realistic as the matchups are more level (you can tweak the cars and adjust parts to a certain extent, but not to the extreme levels GT allows you to so there is generally parity between the cars involved). The minimap in the lefthand corner also doesn't show the whole track, but rather a closeup view of the section of the track you are on, so you can make decisions on when to brake and pass without having to memorize the track, which is also a nice touch. Put it this way... I think of Gran Turismo as the game you want to play if you want to see if you can beat a bunch of sports cars with a souped up Honda Civic... and ToCA 3 is the game you want to play if you want a taste of a lot of different real racing disciplines done right.

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Now I know that there are lots of games that I haven't played in the racing genre, so there might be other games that broke some of the barriers I discussed above, but the list is based on my experiences with these kinds of games, so I am willing to accept some kibitzing about such matters. In fact, I would take it as a learning experience. There may be more lists like this (from various media) to follow.